As the Weeks Go By...

It has been a busy couple of weeks filled with a lot of activity. Some of those things included going to the beach with my church and spending the day eating and swimming in the Indian Ocean, going on an outing with the older youth from work to the mall and going on the rides that they have in the kids' fun zone, having my work end of the year lunch and ordering a Philly Cheesy Steak Baguette which made me excited and will probably be the closest thing to the cheese steak I have been craving, eating mangoes and leeches, Christmas shopping which often ended in us leaving the mall with no purchases, parking in the farthest spot in the mall parking lot because every space and curb was occupied, purchasing a sari for Christmas, work shutting down after some cram sessions, getting my first flat tire (and when I say flat, I mean flat), endless Mandela tributes, feeding and dancing with patients at a psychiatric hospital, lots of coloring with my niece, getting hooked to Isidingo (South African soapie), hanging out with two friends from work, a few U-turns, Christmas caroling (where we only sang I think a total of three actual Christmas carols), beginning the book "Long Walk to Freedom," wrapping Christmas presents to Keith Green music instead of Christmas songs, Dutch Blitz, Speed, getting honked and and yelled at for "stealing" someone's spot in the overflowing mall parking lot, food and more food, and a lot of laughter and some sadness.
While these past few weeks have been filled with a lot of new memories and laughter, they have been a hard few weeks. I have been more homesick lately for a variety of reasons and I think one of them is that Christmas is fast approaching. Five days! I can't believe it. It doesn't necessarily feel like Christmas which makes me feel better because then I won't feel like I'm quite missing my family as much -  hopefully. The Jesus Calling for December 18 gave me some peace in relation to my homesickness, "When you are plagued by a persistent problem - one that goes on and on - view it as a rich opportunity. An ongoing problem is like a tutor who is always by your side. The learning possibilities are limited only by your willingness to be teachable in faith, thank Me for your problem. Ask Me to open your eyes and your heart to all that I am accomplishing through this difficulty. Once you have become grateful for a problem, it loses its power to drag you down, on the contrary, your thankful attitude will lift you up into heavenly places with Me. From this perspective, your difficulty can be seen as a slight, temporary distress that is producing for you a transcendent Glory never to cease." I know that God placed me here for a purpose and that even through the things that weigh me down, God is working and molding me so that I can take what I learned/learn here in South Africa to wherever else He might lead me.
While I love and miss my family and home back in Pennsylvania, my place is here right now. God has a plan and is doing something great here in and through me. The verse from my mom this morning is Psalm 139:14, "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." I know that God is doing marvelous things here so even during the hard times, I will praise God because He is directing my paths.
Thank you all for the prayer and support, Merry Christmas! :)

P.S. I got an email from my sister Carissa that brightened up my day. One of her Books Never Written jokes made me smile: How to Distinguish Your Words by Seymour Clearly. Hope that made you smile too!

It's Just Getting Better

This week was a whirlwind of activity and excitement. I started the week out in a bad attitude because of a variety of things and the Jesus Calling for Tuesday included the verse Psalm 118:24 which convicted me of my selfishness and made me realize that I need to be grateful for the things I do have, "This is the day The Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." My attitude didn't totally change that day but it helped that I got to climb the mountain in Mpophomeni with some of the kids again (this time with my camera so that I could get some pictures). Later that night I had a lot of fun with my host family talking and watching America's Got Talent which was just the kind of night I needed.
Wednesday was tiring busy day. I got to do my first real manual labor that day which made me feel accomplished and exhausted in a good way that night. We had to fill 300 bags with dirt (that we got off a pile that was basically rocks) so that later they could be filled with fertilizer. It was at the soup kitchen and a bunch of kids came to help. I mainly worked with two girls that tried to teach me a little Zulu but we had fun even though it was cold and rainy and everyone ended up covered in mud. After work, we went straight to Andrew and Karen's where I had a package waiting from my mom with Christmas presents - three were wrapped and I already opened one because we were curious as to what it could possible be (it was an awesome game which reminds me of one of my family's favorites, Qwirkle, so it was a great present. We ate at Andrew and Karen's because Andrew had purchased us some tickets to go see a soccer game! It was the Orlando Pirates against Martizburg United. It was an intense game numerous people got hurt (a few went off the field on stretchers) and the final score was 1-0 Pirates, whom I was routing for.
Thursday was Thanksgiving - my first away from home - but I was determined to not let that get me down and that I would have a thankful attitude. A verse from Jesus Calling was Psalm 107:21-22, "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy." I found it hard to be thankful when it seemed that I did nothing all day at work but my day brightened when I walked in the door upstairs to spend time with the kids, and one of the sweetest girls, Olwethu, ran at me with the biggest smile on her face and gave me a hug. A few of the other older girls followed suit and then a little boy. That little girl made my day. After work, Emily and I drove to her coworkers' house because they had invited us to celebrate Thanksgiving with them and some of their friends. We drove approximately a half hour in the wrong direction because like I predicted, their road was probably the first one we passed that just happened to not have a road name. The night was nice and it felt good to have such wonderful people extend hospitality to us so that we wouldn't miss out on Thanksgiving.
Saturday was another busy day. Lydia's work was having their end of the year party with their families so Lydia invited Emily and I. It was at a rock pool which actually ended up being a pool with rocks placed around it, but it was fun to swim even though it was cold and windy because it was about to storm by the time we had finished games and lunch and got a change to go swimming. When we got back home, we decided because Emily would be moving in with her host family on Sunday (my birthday), we would celebrate that night since we got back early from Lydia's work dinner because of the rain. We went to the mall where I got Chocolate Overload waffles for supper :) (the waiter thought I was strange) and then we watched the movie Catching Fire.
Sunday was my first birthday away from home. I started the day with a note from my mom that was placed in my devotions and a letter from my cousin that she had given me before I left. I didn't want to do anything because I missed home and I know that birthdays are just like any other day but I didn't want to celebrate it not at home with my family. In the end it turned out to be a fantastic day. The Jesus Calling seemed fitting for my birthday, "I love you with an everlasting love, which flows out from the depths of eternity. Before you were born, I knew you. Ponder the awesome mystery of a Love that encompasses you from birth to beyond the grave."
I was greeted in the morning with a happy birthday greeting and a present which was really nice and what I needed to put my in a better mood. I went to church at my boss's church because Sunday also happened to be World AIDS Day so they were giving Christmas presents to the mission for the clients and the kids. I had to say a few words in front of the church but I felt very welcomed there. After getting home and having lunch, I went to the end of the year party for youth group with my brothers and sister-in-law which I wasn't so sure about but it turned out to be fun. It wasn't just our individual youth group it was all of them but they are all a fun bunch of people and I got sung happy birthday to twice. I was also asked to give a speech but all I said was thanks because I had no clue what to say.
After youth group, we headed home because Auntie Pricilla was throwing me a party with the family, Andrew and Karen's family, and Lydia (Emily couldn't make it since she had just moved in with her new host family that afternoon). It was a great night filled with laughter, family, cake smashed in my face, and lots of good food. I'm grateful that Auntie Pricilla did that for me because it was nice to celebrate with all the people I love here in South Africa. I also received a phone call from one of the kids at work and she immediately started singing Happy Birthday to me. Later she called again with another one of the girls so that they could sing together. That first phone call was probably the best thing that happened for my birthday and I will never forget that.
As you can tell, this week was busy and while there were a few things that I was struggling with, the good far outweighs the bad because God is good and I have a lot to be thankful for. Lamentations 3:22-26 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Here for a Purpose

Jesus Calling for Tuesday, November 19, "Leave outcomes up to me. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to Me. You already know the ultimate destination of your journey: your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me."
I found out on Monday that Lydia would be moving out to her own host family at the end of the week so this devotional came at the right time. I didn't take the advice it offered, however, and I still worried about the end of the week and kept thinking about how I was going to be on my own and that it would get harder than it already was. I am trying to focus on the now and not ahead as God knows His perfect plan for my life. I know that everything will be fine and it will just be a minor adjustment and that I should be thankful that I don't have to go through the whole host family over again like Lydia is going through now.
My response that I wrote in my journal to this devotional was, "This is a good reminder that God has it all under control and He will me where He wants me. I shouldn't worry about the hard things or complain about what I don't like, but grasp onto the hand God has been holding out to me and accept that He is beside me throughout this whole journey. He has orchestrated it the way that He sees is best. God has me here for a purpose and I need to remember that."
Working with the teens who come on Tuesdays and Thursdays was my highlight this week. I am building stronger relationships with some of the girls and while there are still awkward moments and times when we don't know what to do, this week they taught me some more games and then Thursday myself and three of the girls spontaneously decided to hike the mountain in Mpophomeni. I mentioned that we should hike it sometime and they suggested now so we did. We hiked to the top and took some pictures on one of the girl's phone since I forgot my camera and then hiked/ran down. Because I forgot my camera, and Emily wants to join us now that she is working in Mpophomeni at a sister organization, we decided that we will try to do it again tomorrow (Tuesday the 26th). I am looking forward to spending time with these girls again.
Other highlights this week included going to half-price movie night on Tuesday to celebrate Emily's birthday, girls' night out with all the different youth groups and getting to be a princess for the night, getting free nectarines from the vegetable stand man after buying veggies for work, trying on my first sari, braai with Andrew and Karen's colleagues at ANiSA and meeting another girl my age that we can hang out with that and knows how to play Dutch Blitz, and numerous other little things that made this week a good one. It's hard to believe that this is the last week in November and today being the 25th marks three months gone from home, how time flies!

Starting to Fit In...

The past two weeks flew by. They were filled with hugs, laughter, peanut butter icing, driving, kids, eating chicken necks, a new driving companion to and from work, falling asleep on the couch - twice, - showers, peanut butter popcorn, Downton Abbey, Zulu, making Amagwanias (not sure how to spell that but basically funnel cake in ball form - delicious!), skyping my family and friends, Dominion, and more pretzel jello salad (which was finished in one night).
This past week was spent house sitting at Andrew and Karen's which was nice that Emily, Lydia, and I could spend the whole week together and cook and hangout. I realized, however, that in the comfort of that home, I was more likely to hurry through my devotions rather than spend time in them since I had my friends around to talk to. I definitely have to be more conscious that I need to talk to God and spend time with Him when everything is going smoothly because I can't just make the habit of going to Him when things are hard, but in every situation.
A highlight from this week was on Thursday at work in the afternoon with the older kids. I was talking to two of the girls, Ntokozo and Nolwazi, when I had to go pick up Emily from work because she is now also working in Mpophomeni. The girls wanted to come with me and then one of the guys (who had just spend two hours cleaning my car inside and out since my boss wanted to give him something to do so he cleaned our cars along with his friend) also wanted to come along. The five minute car ride to pick up Emily was filled with joking and laughter and while I couldn't understand a lot of what was being said, I couldn't help but laugh at their joy. Once we picked up Emily, because I owed Sbusiso since he washed my car, when he asked if I could take him home, I obliged. First, we went back and picked up his friend Sphesihle since he lives nearby and then we piled into the car and again the car was filled with laughter and yelling and through all the joking around, it made me feel like I belonged there. I felt as though we had known each other for years and it was so natural for us all to be together, crammed into that car. As soon as the four of those kids were dropped off at their various homes, the car felt empty. I can't wait to build those relationships more and for the laughter and joking around with each other to be an every day occurrence.
The Jesus Calling on Tuesday the 12th was evident that afternoon. It says, "This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you."

Thanksgiving

The weeks are flying by. It has already been two months which means only about eight to go. That sounds like nothing. It's making me realize more and more that I need to take advantage of this time here because I want to make the most of it. It's nice because the homesickness isn't as bad (maybe because last Monday I skyped with my Mom for two hours (and Carissa a little bit before she left for school), skyped Aaron for about five minutes before he headed off to class, messaged Amanda back and forth for a little, skyping Adrienne for a bit before we lost connection, and talked to my Grammy for awhile and got to hear about her trip in South Africa (unfortunately it didn't work for us to meet up). It felt good to hear from home and hear the voices of my family and it got the week off to a good start.
I received the verse Ephesians 6:7-8 from my Dad, "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free." This is a good reminder for the year, even when it seems like I'm not doing much or I'm tired or frustrated, if I need to remember that I gave this to God and that I am here to serve others, but ultimately, Him. The Jesus Calling for Thursday, October 31 was one that spoke to me also about serving, "Learn to listen to Me even while you are listening to other people. As they open their souls to your scrutiny, you are on holy ground. You need the help of my Spirit to respond appropriately. Ask Him to think through you, live through you, love through you. My own being is alive within you in the Person of the Holy Spirit. If you respond to others' needs through your unaided thought processes, you offer them dry crumbs. When the Spirit empowers your listening and speaking, My streams of living water flow through you to other people. Be a channel of My Love, Joy, and Peace by listening to Me as you listen to others." I like this because it talks about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit into others' lives when we learn to listen and obey what it is telling us. It is a constant guide for us to follow and then we can bless others.
Then Friday's and Saturday's Jesus Callings I also loved but Friday's felt as though it was written specifically for me for the things that I have been struggling with: "Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart's desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don't be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days." I easily get distracted and I bring myself down, thinking that I am a terrible Christian and that I should have this great passion that nothing can pull me away from God, but I have to work to that point. The more that I push through the distractions and away from the world, the easier it will get for me to automatically talk to God throughout the day and spend time with Him. God does not punish us for being human, He instead waits for us and will never give up on us.
So this week was filled with great devotional times, buying and eating the biggest slice of chocolate cake that I have ever seen for only $1.50, acting as a bride (the main part) in a skit at youth group Wednesday night - I still don't know how I ended up doing that when I hate acting, driving in my first hail storm, holding a bird for the first time of my own free will (for those of you who don't know I hate birds because of numerous awful stories), taking someone to the gas station because they needed to fill up bottles after they ran out, getting put in charge of planning a trip to Durban for the older kids that will hopefully fit in our budget (which I don't understand because I have only been here for two months and haven't got the slightest clue in how to even plan a trip like this in the U.S., watching Diwali fireworks, and celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday.
Thanksgiving was definitely the highlight of my week. We met at Andrew and Karen's house for a breakfast of baked oatmeal (which we downed) before spending the rest of the afternoon relaxing a bit, going on a walk, and then preparing a Thanksgiving meal. My contribution was pretzel jello salad which turned out to be a hit after many skeptical comments. The other aspects of the meal were the turkey obviously - it may have been the best turkey I have even eaten - cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, Appletizer, Peartizer, and then later for dessert roibos tea, pumpkin dessert, and shoofly pie. It was maybe my favorite Thanksgiving because I enjoyed the food like never before since it reminded me of home; and the people I celebrated it with have become part of my family. I certainly have a lot to be thankful for and God has blessed me more than I could ever put into words. Psalm 116:7 says, "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." He has; I hope that is something that I will never forget.

It's Becoming Real

On Tuesday night, I headed right from work to Andrew and Karen's house as they got home from their trip on Monday and we had our first meeting after starting our jobs. It was a great night catching up on each other's lives and enjoying a Russian Mennonite meal (it was delicious, although I think anything that had any relation to Mennonite would have tasted good at this point because no one here knows what a Mennonite is). After supper I talked to Andrew about some of my questions that I mentioned in last week's blog, only to leave with more questions. We talked a lot about discipleship and what it means to invite someone to become a Christian, because that is a lot of what I am reading in the book Follow Me, and I am trying to figure out exactly how I can share my faith in a way that shines God's goodness to those around me, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.
Work this week was not busy so a lot of my days consisted of sitting around so my mom's verse of the day yesterday was a much needed reminder, 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." Sometimes I tend to get frustrated at work when it feels like I'm not doing anything, but I need to remember that even when I'm just sitting there, I can glorify God with my attitude or by talking to my coworkers. I did, however, learn some more Zulu dances at work. The kids were doing group dances where everyone sings and claps on the outside and then the person on the inside dances and then picks the next person to go in, it seemed as though I was going in far too much and everyone just laughed every time I was in, but overall it was fun and I enjoyed myself. It also seemed like on Wednesday there wasn't one second when at least one girl or boy wasn't hugging me or holding my hand. It's like they are afraid that one of these days I am going to leave and never come back - and the sad reality is that when July comes, I will be doing exactly that. When the kids ask to use my camera, I eagerly oblige as I want as many pictures and memories captured as possible because time is limited. One of the boys got green paint out and we put it all over our hands and put our handprints on the wall so now a piece of me will always be there - hopefully by the end of this year it won't just be a mark on the wall but a mark on the kids' hearts like they have already made on mine.
Friday was an exciting day. It marked exactly two months from when I said goodbye to my parents in Chicago so it was nice to keep myself busy so that I wouldn't think about home as much. At work we had a retreat with the other HIV/AIDS mission in Mpophomeni, Ethembeni, for most of the day. We met at a local church and worshipped God through singing (and dancing), had a short message and then discussion on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. We discussed where/when we find it difficult to love and if we love out of obligation or because we want to. It made me think about when I find it difficult to love. I don't express love much through words or physically, but through serving and that's how I see love the most. It is hard for me to serve people sometimes when I feel they don't deserve it because I am quick at judging and then serve out of obligation. I am coming to realize that if I take the time to move past my judgements and get to know the people, I come to appreciate them more, and then find it easier to serve and love them.
During the retreat we played a bunch of group things which I'm not big on, but I found myself laughing along with everyone else and enjoying my time. I also got to meet eight girls from California that are serving at Ethembeni on a study abroad program so it was nice to talk to them and get to know a little bit about what they are doing here. After lunch, we headed back to Masibumbane and then after doing some office work, I got to head home an hour early. Once home, I helped set up for a braai because it was my host dad's birthday. It was a good night, a bit chaotic as I tried to keep up with the dishes so that we wouldn't run out of dishes (or kitchen space) in the midst of eating IMMENSE amounts of food. It was delicious! Suffice it to say, I slept well that night.
Sunday turned out to be an exhausting day, I was tired physically, mentally, but mostly emotionally. We were talking a lot about college and future decisions a lot Saturday night which was making me feel stressed so the Jesus Calling for yesterday was perfectly timed and then the verse with it Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you," has taken on another meaning as the events of the day unfolded. I really enjoyed church today as my host dad preached and I enjoyed his sermon on establishing yourself in the Word and I had done some reading in Ephesians that I enjoyed but later during the day I heard someone say, "I miss apartheid, things were better then...you can take the pigs out of the mud but you can't take the mud off the pigs." I was speechless. I have never in my life heard anything so blatantly racist. Yes, I have heard insinuations or some mean spirited comments but this was the worst. Lydia and I were both speechless. In the evening, Lydia and I were journaling and talking, trying to process what we had heard earlier that day. The more I thought about it the more angry I was at the lady that had said it - how could someone say something like that and actually believe that they are a Christian and following God's Word, loving everyone? I opened my Bible up and started looking for answers. Matthew 7:1-2 were the first verses I came across, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." After reading this, I felt convicted but didn't know if I could let go of my judgement. My anger slowly turned into sadness and I almost started crying as I talked with Lydia. It's sad when someone doesn't realize how far from the truth their words are. We continued reading the Bible and we shared the verses we came across that related:

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
- This is the first time these well-known words took on meaning for me as I felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders and I felt so drained that I needed this reminder that God takes it all upon Him if we give it over to him.
John 15:12-13,17, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends...This is my command: Love each other."
Acts 10:15,28,34-35, " 'Do not call anything impure that God has made clean'...You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean...I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right."
Romans 14:12-13, "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."

By the end of my reading, I came to the conclusion that while I still have to work on not judging this lady completely, it's not my place to do so. God will judge each of us accordingly and I need to focus on being the light not on making sure everyone else is. I believe that we need to be accountable to each other but it's not my place to condemn anyone. God is not going to show favoritism to me because I didn't say anything like that - I have my own sins that I need to work on. I instead need to learn from this situation how I can respond next time a comment like that is said in a way that is pleasing to God and respects everyone involved.
I am grateful, not that the comment was made, but the learning that took place afterwards. For the first time I felt as though the Word was coming alive for me and that I could relate to the words written. I for the first time studied the Bible in response to something that happened to me - and I felt at peace in the end. I am learning that this year is going to be a lot harder and stretching than I could have imagined, but if I continue turning to God for help, I will grow far more than I could have imagined.
I want to challenge you all this week to love each other and discern where you find it hard to love. Work at turning to God in every situation so that your response will be godly and reflect God's light, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.

Focusing on the Now

My week started with a Sunday celebrating the 50th Anniversary of our church's "mother" church. People from that church joined us at a special afternoon service with a meal and sharing from some of the original church members and builders. I didn't understand most of it because I have no connection to either church and a lot of it was history and stories which didn't pertain to me. This time then gave me a couple hours to think as I zoned in and out of the service. It was the start of a week filled with a lot of thoughts directed at home. This week was one of the hardest so far for being homesick. I find myself missing a lot of the comforts I have at home, my church, my friends, and especially my family. I tend to look at the pictures I have hung in my room a lot more than usual and listen to the playlist I made on my ipod of songs that remind me of people back home.
Because of so much downtime at night to think, my thoughts were not only those of home but I have been thinking a lot about my faith. A main reason for my joining Radical Journey this year, was to strengthen my faith and find answers to my questions. I have been struggling for a long time as to whether my faith is authentic or if I am just a "good person" because my parents raised me in the church. I don't have the passion for Christ that I crave and I don't know how to get it and it has been something that has been plaguing my thoughts for a while now. I am already finding that this year is forcing my out of my comfort zone and causing me to address these questions as I have more time to devote to contemplating my doubts and questions. My mom has written out a verse for every day of the year for me to read and one of them this past week was Isaiah 43:18-19, "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." I have been focusing on the past and my homesickness but God has bigger plans and I know that He is using this time to do a new thing in me and I just needed to get away from my comforts so I can focus on Him more.
I finished reading Radical by David Platt this week and I have started another one of his books called Follow Me. He says in Radical, "He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him. In the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined." I believe God has placed me here so that I can rely on Him in new ways and discover my need for him. In Follow Me Platt states, "To be a Christian is to be loved by God, pursued by God, and found by God. To be a Christian is to realize that in your sin you were separated from God's presence, and you deserved nothing but God's wrath. Yet despite your darkness and in your deadness, his light shone on you and his voice spoke to you, inviting you to follow Him. His majesty captivated your soul and his mercy covered your sin, and his mercy covered your sin, and by his death he brought you life" and he says faith is "the realization that there is nothing you can do but trust in what has been done for you in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Faith is the realization that God's pleasure in you will never be based upon your performance for him. Instead, God's pleasure in you will always be based upon Christ's performance in you." It is easy for my to say God loves me and to say that God forgave me of my sins and I'm saved, but I am trying to navigate away from just thinking these things to feeling them. I am realizing that it is easy for me to have faith in the fact that the Bible is true and that Jesus came to earth, but that I don't have the faith that God totally accepts me as I am and wants to live in me. I don't have the faith to totally commit my life to Him and to accept wherever He leads me because I like to have control far more than I realized before I started this journey. I am hopeful that through this year I will learn to trust God fully and to let go of my selfishness and in doing so I can let go of my hypocritical feelings and live with the passion that only comes from knowing God and doing his will that I see in other peoples' lives and achieve this description David Platt gives in Follow Me, "When you come to Jesus, his Spirit fills your spirit. His love becomes your love. His joy becomes your joy. His mind becomes your mind. His desires become your desires. His will becomes your will. His purpose becomes your purpose. His power becomes your power. The Christian life thus becomes nothing less than the outliving of the indwelling Christ."
Work this week was filled with a lot of driving around Mpophomeni taxiing people around which isn't my favorite job because while I feel a lot more comfortable behind a manual, I still am not one hundred percent confident - especially after having the car accident. I was starting to get frustrated with work this week as I was tiring of driving everyone around all the time and often sitting around doing nothing because there wasn't a job for me at the moment. Mom's verse on Wednesday was a much needed reminder, "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life" Philippians 2:14-15. I realized that I should be glad that I get to serve amongst such joyful people and that I should have a better attitude and smile while driving people around because I am helping people since they don't have the ability to drive like I do. Some highlights from work include being taught a traditional Zulu dance by one of the girls (and getting made fun of by everyone else), learning a few more names, getting taught Zulu by a staff member and some kids (unfortunately I don't remember any of it), and eating two delicious Zulu meals, taking pictures with the younger kids.
Other highlights and interesting events from this week were eating my first chicken foot that wasn't a gummy (eating may not be the right word as I only ate about three bites - they weren't nearly as tasty as the chicken feet from the Old Dutch Cupboard!), taking a kombi into town and back home by myself, seeing some of Justin's baby birds, having a hot breakfast at the mall with Emily and Lydia, finishing my first journal after only two months, greeting a gas attendant in Zulu instead of English when she said hello causing her whole countenance to light up as she started laughing at my attempts of pronouncing the answer to her question "Unjani?" (How are you?), and having a nice relaxing Sunday afternoon at Emily's boss's house since he invited us over for lunch.
As you have been reading, South Africa is proving to be challenging, exciting, filled with laughter and homesickness, questions, and answers. I can't believe that I have been here for almost two months already - time is flying by and I am going to try and take advantage of the time I have here. You probably also have realized by now that I am enjoying writing blogs as they tend to get lengthy but I have come to enjoy expressing myself through them as I am not always the most talkative or open person as many of you well know!

Learning I'm not in Control

A perfect start to my week was in the Jesus Calling for Sunday the 6th: "Be willing to follow wherever I lead, follow Me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don't know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough! Some of my richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you must walk by faith - not by sight. This doesn't mean closing your eyes to what is all around you. It means subordinating the visible world to the invisible Shepherd of your soul" (1 Corinthians 5:7; John 8:12). I am here because I felt God calling me to come. While, it is exciting and filled with a lot of fun, it wasn't an easy decision for me to make and I still am in awe of how it all worked out and fell into place - God is definitely in control because this is a step I could never take on my own. While I have some sense of adventure in my personality, this far exceeds the limit of going outside my comfort zone. Even in the midst of a scary experience also starting my week, Sunday's devotional still comforts me and I know that Jesus is leading me.
On Sunday, in order to get internet, Emily, Lydia, and I drove to the mall - because I have the car, I was in the driver's seat. After touching base with our half hour free wifi, having coffee, and cake (Lydia got soup), we headed home as it was starting to get dark and it was slightly rainy and I didn't want to have to drive in the pouring rain in case one of Pietermaritzburg's infamous thunderstorm's decided to hit. Unfortunately, going around one of the mall's traffic circles, I got us into a car accident. Both of our front bumpers hit, luckily no one was hurt and the damage was minimal since we were both going slow in the parking lot. While the car accident has caused a lot of worry, guilt, and annoyances on both sides, I am learning that God has everything in control and I should just be thankful that no one got hurt and that the man was fairly understanding. I still do not know all the details of how everything will work out and the cost of things but insurance in handling it at this point and I just have to remember that this is a small incident in the large scheme of things and that it could have happened to anyone. Again my devotionals calmed me as Monday's read, "In order to hear my voice, you must release all your worries into My care. Entrust to Me everything that concerns you. This clears the way for you to seek My face unhindered. Let me free you from fear that is hiding deep inside you. Sit quietly in my presence, allowing My light to soak into you and drive out any darkness lodged within you.
Accept each day just as it comes to you, remembering that I am sovereign over your life. Rejoice in this day that I have made, trusting that I am abundantly present in it. Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don't be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty" (1 Peter 5:6-7; Psalm 118:24; 1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Monday was my day off of work so I had a lot of time to journal and reflect. After writing down this devotional in my journal I wrote: "After the car accident last night, this is a good reminder to let go of regret and what if's and focus on accepting that God is in control and I have to trust that everything will work out in the end. I can't change what happens but I can choose to thank God. God, help me to forgive myself and move past it so that I can learn from my mistakes and move on with renewed hope to continue serving you to the best of my abilities that you have given me."
I considered not sharing about my accident because I didn't want people to find out that in only a couple weeks of driving I got in an accident, but I realized that this is a big part of how I saw God this week, so I can use it as a testimony to God's faithfulness and control. I am learning through this situation that God is in control and that maybe I hold to tightly to my own control and I have to let go and let God. I was getting tired and letting this one mistake get to me and it was affecting me too much. Again, Jesus Calling's devotional uplifted me. Thursday the 9th: "You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent. Though you have faltered at times, you have not let go of My hand. I am pleased with your desire to stay close to Me. There is one thing, however, that displeases me: your tendency to complain. You may talk to Me as much as you like about the difficulty of the path we are following. I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. You can ventilate safely to Me because talking with Me tempers your thoughts and helps you see things from My perspective." And as if that wasn't enough, Friday's - "Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict of control them. Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of my everlasting Love. My Love-Light never dims, yet you are often unaware of my radiant Presence. When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without my help. This is a subtle sin - so common that it usually slips by unnoticed.
The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. Rather than fearing your inadequacy, rejoice in my abundant supply. Train your mind to seek My help continually, even when you feel competent to handle something by yourself. Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. Instead, learn to rly on Me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to face each day continually."
God keeps surprising me with perfectly timed devotions and Bible verses that have been uplifting me. Andrew sent me this text after I apologized again when it seemed that my devotions weren't freeing me of the guilt enough, "There could be bigger problems, and there are bigger problems in life. So don't worry about it." Andrew is right. I am working at an HIV/AIDS mission and I see people every day that have bigger problems but I keep dwelling on one incident that will not affect my life a month from now. I know this blog is long and focuses mainly on someone else's words, but God used those words to speak to me this week and I thought I would pass them along with a few of my own thoughts and responses so that they could also speak to you.

Besides that small driving incident, my driving has definitely improved and I am feeling more confident as I drive to work and home every day. I have completed my first full week of work and while it wasn't quite as exciting as the first two days because I felt as though I wasn't doing too much, I am enjoying myself in the scheme of things and I am feeling blessed by the people I come into contact with. While I only know 6 kids names because I had them write them down, I feel welcomed when even when I'm not upstairs with them, some of them still come to me and say hi or bye or just smile and wave as they walk by the office. I also enjoy getting to drive one lady home every day and the occasional other worker so that they don't have to walk home in the hot sun. This week got long and I am excited that it is the weekend, but I feel like I am in the right place as people constantly thank me for being here and I got prayed over by three different people this week on two separate occasions before leaving for home. I am excited to see what God has in store for this next week. I will continue praying for all of you back home!

Fulfilling Joy

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I did not start work on Tuesday like planned but on Thursday. Those two days were the highlight of my week - even in the midst of a terrible cold which caused me to almost called in sick; however, I did not feel I have earned that right yet since it was my second day - in the end I'm glad I didn't.
So, Thursday I climbed into the Ballade for the first time by myself and made my way to Mpophomeni without incident. When I arrived, I learned about sellers who come in and buy donated clothes at a low price in order to resell to make a small profit and learn about micro-business. While there, I got introduced to a lady and she gave me the biggest hug as a welcome; she genuinely seemed to care about me and hugged me and didn't want to let go - it was probably one of the most meaningful hugs I have received in my entire life. I then sat in on a meeting with some ministers and did some administration work in the office while having some meaningful conversations with the admin officer, Nokuthula. After I finished hlpeing Nokuthula, my boss, Mduduzi asked me to do a favor; drive Alec, a homestead gardening instructor, around Mpophomeni to check on four gardens. Aside from the nerve wracking driving, I enjoyed that time and got to learn a lot more about the process of homestead gardening.
After lunch, I got to go upstairs to wait for the children to arrive after school. It was not what I expected but it turned out to be the highlight of my day. It's not what I expected because the "children" who walked in that door were almost my age. I didn't know how to take that but one of the girls immediately pulled up a chair to talk to me. Two of her friends joined us and they quickly made me feel comfortable and I can't wait to get to know them better throughout the year. I don't remember their names but I do know that we will have a lot of fun together and I'm sure I will learn a lot of Zulu from them based on how much they laughed at my horrible accent from just trying to pronounce their names and the way the girl asked for a hug before we walked out together.
My second day wasn't as exciting. I didn't get to do such a vast amount of jobs and I also was feeling a bit under the weather after not getting much sleep the night before due to my incessant coughing. I am also trying to learn that the culture isn't always go, go, go, so there will be a lot of instances when I sit around because there isn't always a job to do and relationship trumps work in many instances.
Again, the hour or so after school when the kids come to Masibumbane, was the highlight of my day. This time it was like I thought the day before was going to be like. Elementary school age kids flooded the room and immediately started doing their own thing. Again I didn't know how to respond because the younger kids aren't as confident in their English so I couldn't communicate with them. After two younger boys settled onto my lap and seemed comfortable, a few of the girls made their way over to me and smiled shyly. We soon started a sitting version of tag and the girls started to become more comfortable with me, and I with them. Over the course of the next hour and a half, I became accustomed to having the girls and one little boy constantly touching me as if making sure that I wasn't going to leave, having my hair stroked and being told it was pretty by the girls since none of them have long hair, and by one girl in particular, having my hand stroked and being held. When one girl hugged me, I asked if she wanted to take a picture; mass chaos then ensued. She got all her friends and soon most of the kids tried shoving their way into the camera's viewfinder as I took pictures. Somehow I relinquished my hold on the camera and for the next hour I didn't touch it. I have now deleted a whole pile of blurry and random object pictures but kept a whole slew of them because they just make me smile. These kids have melted my heart already - especially three girls and the one little boy who always wants to be held - who stayed behind until I drove away with them waving goodbye. Again, I don't remember their names but I am already falling in love with these precious children who walk into Masibumbane's doors and welcome me with smiles, hugs, and love.
A good reminder after those first two days of work at Masibumbane and seeing the joy on the staff and children's faces was my Jesus Calling devotional on Saturday the 5th:
"Remember that Joy is not dependent on your circumstances. Some of the world's most miserable people are those whose circumstances seem the most enviable. People who reach the top of the ladder career-wise are often surprised to find emptiness awaiting them. True Joy is a by-product of living in my Presence. Therefore you can experience it in palaces, in prisons...anywhere.
Do not judge a day as devoid of Joy just because it contains difficulties. Instead, concentrate on staying in communication with Me. Many of the problems that clamor for your attention will resolve themselves. Other matters you must deal with, but I will help you with them. If you make problem solving secondary to the goal of living close to Me, you can find Joy even in your most difficult day."
This touched me especially today because my observations the past two days of the people at Masibumbane. They are people in the worst of circumstances and dealing with a hard thing, HIV/AIDS, and yet they are some of the joyful people I have met. They often greet with hugs, they have an intense passion for God evident in their words and praises throughout the day, their smiles meet their eyes when they look at you, and they always seem to be laughing about something. If there is one lesson I want to take from this year working at Masibumbane, it is to find Joy in the midst of hard circumstances and in the little things. I am certainly blessed and there shouldn't be any reason why I shouldn't be praising God every moment of the day for how He has taken care of me and my family.
Aside from work, this week I have also officially become legal in the country of South Africa as my Visa is now straightened out, driven multiple times by myself in a foreign country (manual and on the left side of the road I might add), helped build a bird cage, ate ice cream out of a green cone, gone to youth group at my older brother's church, got a bloody nose since it was so dry from blowing it so often, made my first purchase at a Tuck shop for cough drops, took my first kombi to and from town, ate sheep tripe (much to my dismay - however it wasn't as bad as my experience with cow tripe since it was curried and I most likely will not have it for the remainder of my time here), watched my first rugby game - Springboks vs. the All Blacks (however we lost in a very close match; now I just have to get to a live game), and had an amazing first two days of work!

Moving In

My Jesus Calling Devotional for Sunday, September 22 couldn't have been more perfectly timed as it was the day before moving in with host families and the thoughts of starting my job and getting involved with a new church loomed ahead:
"Trust Me and refuse to worry, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength. However, they are not today's tasks--or even tomorrow's. So leave them in the future and come home to the present, where you will find Me waiting for you. Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me..."
This was a good reminder for me to hold on to God and trust in Him (I also would recommend reading September 10's as well - if you don't have a Jesus Calling and would like to read that one let me know and I will type it out for you).
It has officially been one week in my new home for the year. My host parents, Mark and Pricilla Padayachee, have graciously opened up their home for the third year in a row for Radical Journey participants. They have already shown such wonderful hospitality for me - and Lydia as she is here until later this week when she receives her own family - and God has blessed me with a second set of godly parents.
Unfortunately, this week has not been perfect as my first bouts of homesickness have set in. This is starting to feel like home but it has been hard as we have been having a lot of free time to think. Also, while the curries and bryannis, samosas and tea, and the bunny chow have been superb (aside from the two fish dishes I have eaten since I don't like sea food), I miss my mom's cooking and all the junk food that I had access to at work :) It's going to take some getting used to have ing curries every day instead of casseroles, garden picked veggies, and baked goods but I can't complain since it is delicious and some have a bit of spice to them which I love. A perfectly timed letter from my cousin Adrienne reminded me of my verse for the year and that the homesick feelings shouldn't ruin my year; "Do not fear for I am with you" Isaiah 41:10.
Aside from the mass amounts of reading I have done this week, I have had a couple more driving sessions - one was even downtown and I'm proud to say that I did not kill Andrew (he told his wife he loved her just in case). I only stalled once on the road - and it was on a flat road too! Unfortunately, I did lose a fair amount of points, and Andrew gained, in our ongoing Dutch Blitz tournament, so I'm not sure where I stand - I may be down to last place now. I also did my first (and hopefully last) burnout today while pulling into the grocery store parking lot! It was a tad scary.
Living with the Padayachees has taught me to slow down a bit as the evenings are normally spent sitting in the living room talking and drinking tea. It was nice talking to their fifteen year old son, Justin, for a couple hours about random things. I am even learning to get over my slight fear of birds as Justin has his own bird business of buying and selling birds of all different kinds. While most stay in the garage, a new one that he just bought - some kind of ring neck - has made its home in the living room. I am learning to appreciate it except for the two times when Justin has let it out of his cage and it has gotten dangerously close to me for my liking.
Yesterday's church service was my first at New Anointings and it was a special service as it was celebrating the Feast of the Tabernacles. I enjoyed the service as we waved palm branches, passed out fruit, lit candles, sang songs - some of which I knew - and afterwards had a potluck. It was an enjoyable first church service at my new home church and I look forward to getting to know the church members and getting to know what I believe and strengthening my relationship with God as I worship Him in some ways that may be foreign or sometimes uncomfortable for me.
Earlier this week, Andrew drove me and Lydia up to Mpophomeni for my "job interview." Since I already have the job, it was far less stressful and I enjoyed the couple hours we spent at Masibumbane. I got warmly greeted and introduced to the staff, and they to me, received flowers (that I am trying to remember to water) and a card, as well as tea and muffins. I do not know yet the extent of my work at Masibumbane but I am excited nonetheless. Their mission statement is as follows: "Masibumbane HIV/AIDS Mission aims to provide sustainable physical, emotional and spiritual care for people with HIV/AIDS and to empower AIDS-affected families and AIDS orphans to be as self-reliant as possible." They have several programs and I look forward to learning more about them, the staff, and the clients, as well as learning Zulu! I start tomorrow (Tuesday) and will be working every Tuesday through Friday for the reminder of the year - aside from holidays.
Sorry this is getting long but one last thought: Yesterday I was reading chapter six in David Platt's Radical and it was about material possessions and money. One of the key stories Platt used was the story of the rich young ruler in Mark 10. This is a story that has always troubled me, maybe because I can identify with the man, and I have struggled with the meaning behind it. I am still trying to find my place in the plan God has for me here and how I can spread His light here. I tend to find it easier to be a better witness through actions rather than words since I do not have a charismatic outgoing personality (although I am finding that I am already being stretched in those ways as I have been meeting so many new people) and I think part of the action I need to take is to give more freely and generously to the people here. I am receiving a monthly stipend that far exceeds the amount I need to live, seeing as the necessities are covered. I have been so blessed that I don't understand the faith required to trust God with everything. I need to in a sense "sell everything I have" and not leave with my head down because I care too much about this earthly fading life. I have come to realize that this lesson isn't just about money and possessions, but about giving everything we have and possess: our love, generosity, compassion, patience, time, etc so that we are required to lean on God and His grace and His fulfilling peace that only comes from trusting Him and giving all we have to His people. While I still do not know what God's plans have in store for me, I am going to try to forget myself, my worries, my fears, and my own interests so I can give generously and joyously all that I have, materially and within me, to make an impact on the people I come in contact with this year.

This is Africa

After a long day of traveling - flight one Chicago to Atlanta, running through the airport because our plane landed when our connection started boarding and we didn't want to miss our 15 hour flight from Atlanta to Johannesburg, an approximate four hour layover filled with confusion and frustration at almost having to pay extra for some baggage, panic at the realization my visa was filled out wrong, a final flight from Johannesburg to Durban lasting an hour, and finally, after gathering our luggage, an hour drive from Durban to Pietermartizburg to our contact Andrew and Karen Suderman's house - I have arrived in South Africa and can honestly say it is amazing.

I can see why people say it's hard not to fall in love with this beautiful country. I have been here only approximately two weeks but I love it already. In-country orientation is coming to an end and I look forward to these coming months living in my host family, whom I will meet and move in with on Monday, and working at my service placement. I just found out today that I will be working in Mphopomeni township at Masibumbane, an organization working with people infected and affected by HIV/AIDS. I am extremely excited about this opportunity so serve these people and in return be impacted by them and what they will bring to my life.

These past two weeks have been filled with a lot of learning about this beautiful country and the history which has made it what it is. Some highlights include visiting the apartheid museum, the Henry Peterson Museum/Memorial, and the Voortrekker Monument (as well as seeing a zebra, eating delicious food, and playing a lot of Dutch Blitz, Hearts, and Dominion). These different museums have shown me both sides to the unpleasant history of apartheid and how it tore this country apart and left it struggling to heal. My quick overview in school did nothing to prepare me for the amount of pain and violence this country has struggled with. Racism is no small issue here and my upbringing of pacifism and loving everyone is something that I am trying to figure out how to implement in my daily life so that I can be a positive influence in the peoples' lives that I touch daily. 

I can honestly say that I have already started to change and am be affected by what I have already been in contact with. I am starting to want to think more about how I can change the world and how I can make a difference even in the issues that seem impossible to mend. I am excited to see how God will continue to work in my life and my teammates as we are about to move into the next chapter of our journeys.

South Africa Here I Come!

It's hard to believe that tomorrow I leave for South Africa. It all happened so fast and it seems so unreal that in two days I will be at my new home for the next ten months. Crazy!

The past ten days I have been at orientation in Chicago with my team, Team Paraguay, and Team Argentina. It flew by and has been a week filled with learning about our personalities, faith streams, racial issues, white privelage, hospitality, and much more. While we had many sessions, a lot of the times that I will carry with me through out these next couple months are the many times spent playing cards: you know you're with a bunch of Mennonites when all your free time is spent playing Scum, Rook, and Spoons. The other night this week during an intense thunder storm, two brothers took refuge in the house we are staying, one in his mid twenties the other four. The older brother, Levi, could not believe that this is how eight teenagers fresh out of high school spent their Friday night - playing cards for hours on end. He didn't seem to mind too much and joined in on Spoons and suggested Go Fish. They ended up spending around three hours with us before leaving us. It was an awesome experience filled with many laughs at his disbelief at the way we lived.

This past week was an awesome experience bonding with the other seven team members. While we had some awkward moments, we are a family now and get along so well. We make fun of each other (I seem to often be the one being made fun of because of my "accent"), we had some theological discussions, and many laughs. I'm certainly going to miss the five not at my location and can't wait to see them in ten months at reorientation.

I can't wait for this journey to begin and I'm anxious to see what God has in store for me. Contiue praying as I worry about adjusting and settling in to host family and job these next couple weeks. The verse that I picked out for this year is Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear for I am with you;" so far it has proven to be a great comfort for me and I have peace as I begin this next chapter of my journey.

How It All Began

For those of you who may not know the whole story of how I got here, leaving the country in about a month, here it is:

I used to always say that I would never go to college, ask anyone in my family; I don't know why but I was adamant about not going. Well as the years went on and I thought about my life after school, I realized that I do indeed want to go to college. Not because I love school or for the college experience, but because I want to make a difference in kids' lives my age. I want to spread God's light to those who have come from hard backgrounds or have made mistakes that landed them in a Juvenile Detention Center.

Because my goal was to get started in that field as soon as possible, college was the obvious choice after high school. I decided that Gordon College was probably where I would attend in the fall of 2013 because of their Christian Ministries major that has a concentration in Juvenile Justice Ministries. However, God had different plans for me. Through talking with my parents, my cousin Adrienne, and my art teacher Mr. Swartz, I realized that maybe God was calling me toward taking some time off before school for missions.

I decided to start looking at different mission organizations that offered trips for the fall semester so that I could start school in the spring. I talked to one of my friends that did it this past year and decided that although it would be hard transitioning into school halfway through, that's what I wanted to do. As things progressed and I looked for a trip and organization that I liked, things changed. I looked at Eastern Mennonite Missions and I realized that the trip wasn't in the right time frame for me to be back in order to start school; but, I realized I felt God calling me towards missions and that college would be there when I came back. I realized, however, when it was time for me to schedule an interview that EMM didn't seem like the right fit for me.

Time was running out because of deadlines and I needed to make a decision, so I decided to apply to Mennonite Mission Network even though I didn't see myself doing Radical Journey because it was a ten month program. Throughout the process I found myself more and more excited to go on the South Africa trip. I set up a time for an interview and was excited when I got accepted. During my phone interview, however, I was told that the South Africa trip was not happening this year - Paraguay was an option and they were going to start a new trip to Indonesia. My heart sunk immediately and I told the woman that my preference between the two was Paraguay but I would go to either as they saw fit. As the interview ended, I hung up and, although downtrodden, decided to try and have a good outlook because apparently God wanted me somewhere other than South Africa. Through talking with my dad and some others I switched my preference to Indonesia and I got excited about that trip, hoping that I would be placed there.

God has a funny way of working, though, and I got an email from MMN that said, "I just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going and if you're getting excited about Radical Journey. So since we talked things have changed a bit and we will not be sending a team to Indonesia after all." My heart sunk for the second time during this process, but I continued reading only to see, "Which means several things: first, that orientation will be in Chicago instead of Los Angeles, and we'll be sending a team to South Africa instead. Since that was your initial interest, I wanted to give you a chance to be on the South Africa team. Does that sound OK to you?" Does that sound OK to me? OK? Are you kidding me? That was my dream! My heart started racing as I read those words: It sounded better than OK! Filled with such immense joy I could barely contain it so I ran downstairs to tell my parents and before waiting for much of a response besides their initial excitement for me, I raced back up to my room to text my sister Amanda. As I started typing the words that I would be most likely going to South Africa, the tears started flowing and I was beaming from ear to ear. I couldn't stop smiling and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. All I could think about is Psalm 37:4, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I thanked God over and over again for His hand in it all; it made me realize that I am doing His will because I trusted Him with my future and He placed me where I wanted to go.

So, the time is approaching where I will depart to South Africa and a whole new adventure with God by my side is about to begin. I am trying to, amidst the nerves and fears, remember the initial excitement and joy that I experienced. I know with God by my side I will be OK and that there is nothing to fear - it also helps that we are in the middle of a sermon series at church on Psalm 23 which is making me realize and come to terms and face my fears. (But there is still room for all your prayers of course!) I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over these next 10 months!






Also, on a side note: if you would rather get these blogs through email instead of having to check for updates, shoot me an email with your name and email so that I can add you to an email list. You can put "South Africa" on the subject line so hopefully it won't get lost in my spam.

It's About to Begin....

It all seemed so fun and exciting a couple of weeks ago but as the days wind down closer and closer to August 25th, it's starting to sink in. I'm going to South Africa. In 44 days. (Well technically 54 because orientation is in Chicago). But still - 44 days until I leave my house for ten months and I won't see my family or friends or have my normal routine around me to comfort me. I will be missing every holiday get together, my birthday, my brother's college graduation (I haven't even been out once to visit him), my friends' high school speeches and graduation, and my friends' hang outs after their first semester of college.

As the days get closer it's hard for me to not think of all the negatives this trip is bringing. I have to constantly remind myself that God has got bigger plans in this and He has been there since the beginning. Some quotes that I found the other day are a good reminder to place my faith and fears in God: "There isn't enough room in your mind for both worry and faith. You must decide which one will live there;" "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase;" and "We must travel in the direction of our fear."

I am definitely traveling in the direction of my fear. I like to be comfortable. To be at home. To be surrounded by those I love and keep with the relationships I have already formed. South Africa is a big leap of faith for me and I am hopefully going to learn along the way that I don't have room for the worries that are insignificant in the large scheme of things. God's got His hand on me and I can't give up hope in that. I am excited that this stretch will force me to rely on God because I won't be comfortable. I'm torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go.

I won't know exactly what I am going to be doing for the year until I get there but God's got His plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and I am confident that God has been with me every step of the journey thus far. The fact that I'm even going to South Africa has God's seal on it because of the way it fell into place.

As you can see I'm in a battle between fear, nerves, excitement, anticipation, and hope. In case you can't tell from my panicky first blog - I am SUPER excited! I just more often tell people the stuff I'm excited for rather than the stuff I'm scared for so please pray for me that as this trip starts sinking in, that in the preparation and every step throughout the journey I will see God's hand and will not doubt what His plans are for me and continue to stay excited!