On Tuesday night, I headed right from work to Andrew and Karen's house as they got home from their trip on Monday and we had our first meeting after starting our jobs. It was a great night catching up on each other's lives and enjoying a Russian Mennonite meal (it was delicious, although I think anything that had any relation to Mennonite would have tasted good at this point because no one here knows what a Mennonite is). After supper I talked to Andrew about some of my questions that I mentioned in last week's blog, only to leave with more questions. We talked a lot about discipleship and what it means to invite someone to become a Christian, because that is a lot of what I am reading in the book Follow Me, and I am trying to figure out exactly how I can share my faith in a way that shines God's goodness to those around me, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.
Work this week was not busy so a lot of my days consisted of sitting around so my mom's verse of the day yesterday was a much needed reminder, 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." Sometimes I tend to get frustrated at work when it feels like I'm not doing anything, but I need to remember that even when I'm just sitting there, I can glorify God with my attitude or by talking to my coworkers. I did, however, learn some more Zulu dances at work. The kids were doing group dances where everyone sings and claps on the outside and then the person on the inside dances and then picks the next person to go in, it seemed as though I was going in far too much and everyone just laughed every time I was in, but overall it was fun and I enjoyed myself. It also seemed like on Wednesday there wasn't one second when at least one girl or boy wasn't hugging me or holding my hand. It's like they are afraid that one of these days I am going to leave and never come back - and the sad reality is that when July comes, I will be doing exactly that. When the kids ask to use my camera, I eagerly oblige as I want as many pictures and memories captured as possible because time is limited. One of the boys got green paint out and we put it all over our hands and put our handprints on the wall so now a piece of me will always be there - hopefully by the end of this year it won't just be a mark on the wall but a mark on the kids' hearts like they have already made on mine.
Friday was an exciting day. It marked exactly two months from when I said goodbye to my parents in Chicago so it was nice to keep myself busy so that I wouldn't think about home as much. At work we had a retreat with the other HIV/AIDS mission in Mpophomeni, Ethembeni, for most of the day. We met at a local church and worshipped God through singing (and dancing), had a short message and then discussion on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. We discussed where/when we find it difficult to love and if we love out of obligation or because we want to. It made me think about when I find it difficult to love. I don't express love much through words or physically, but through serving and that's how I see love the most. It is hard for me to serve people sometimes when I feel they don't deserve it because I am quick at judging and then serve out of obligation. I am coming to realize that if I take the time to move past my judgements and get to know the people, I come to appreciate them more, and then find it easier to serve and love them.
During the retreat we played a bunch of group things which I'm not big on, but I found myself laughing along with everyone else and enjoying my time. I also got to meet eight girls from California that are serving at Ethembeni on a study abroad program so it was nice to talk to them and get to know a little bit about what they are doing here. After lunch, we headed back to Masibumbane and then after doing some office work, I got to head home an hour early. Once home, I helped set up for a braai because it was my host dad's birthday. It was a good night, a bit chaotic as I tried to keep up with the dishes so that we wouldn't run out of dishes (or kitchen space) in the midst of eating IMMENSE amounts of food. It was delicious! Suffice it to say, I slept well that night.
Sunday turned out to be an exhausting day, I was tired physically, mentally, but mostly emotionally. We were talking a lot about college and future decisions a lot Saturday night which was making me feel stressed so the Jesus Calling for yesterday was perfectly timed and then the verse with it Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you," has taken on another meaning as the events of the day unfolded. I really enjoyed church today as my host dad preached and I enjoyed his sermon on establishing yourself in the Word and I had done some reading in Ephesians that I enjoyed but later during the day I heard someone say, "I miss apartheid, things were better then...you can take the pigs out of the mud but you can't take the mud off the pigs." I was speechless. I have never in my life heard anything so blatantly racist. Yes, I have heard insinuations or some mean spirited comments but this was the worst. Lydia and I were both speechless. In the evening, Lydia and I were journaling and talking, trying to process what we had heard earlier that day. The more I thought about it the more angry I was at the lady that had said it - how could someone say something like that and actually believe that they are a Christian and following God's Word, loving everyone? I opened my Bible up and started looking for answers. Matthew 7:1-2 were the first verses I came across, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." After reading this, I felt convicted but didn't know if I could let go of my judgement. My anger slowly turned into sadness and I almost started crying as I talked with Lydia. It's sad when someone doesn't realize how far from the truth their words are. We continued reading the Bible and we shared the verses we came across that related:
Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
- This is the first time these well-known words took on meaning for me as I felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders and I felt so drained that I needed this reminder that God takes it all upon Him if we give it over to him.
John 15:12-13,17, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends...This is my command: Love each other."
Acts 10:15,28,34-35, " 'Do not call anything impure that God has made clean'...You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean...I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right."
Romans 14:12-13, "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."
By the end of my reading, I came to the conclusion that while I still have to work on not judging this lady completely, it's not my place to do so. God will judge each of us accordingly and I need to focus on being the light not on making sure everyone else is. I believe that we need to be accountable to each other but it's not my place to condemn anyone. God is not going to show favoritism to me because I didn't say anything like that - I have my own sins that I need to work on. I instead need to learn from this situation how I can respond next time a comment like that is said in a way that is pleasing to God and respects everyone involved.
I am grateful, not that the comment was made, but the learning that took place afterwards. For the first time I felt as though the Word was coming alive for me and that I could relate to the words written. I for the first time studied the Bible in response to something that happened to me - and I felt at peace in the end. I am learning that this year is going to be a lot harder and stretching than I could have imagined, but if I continue turning to God for help, I will grow far more than I could have imagined.
I want to challenge you all this week to love each other and discern where you find it hard to love. Work at turning to God in every situation so that your response will be godly and reflect God's light, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.
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