How It All Began

For those of you who may not know the whole story of how I got here, leaving the country in about a month, here it is:

I used to always say that I would never go to college, ask anyone in my family; I don't know why but I was adamant about not going. Well as the years went on and I thought about my life after school, I realized that I do indeed want to go to college. Not because I love school or for the college experience, but because I want to make a difference in kids' lives my age. I want to spread God's light to those who have come from hard backgrounds or have made mistakes that landed them in a Juvenile Detention Center.

Because my goal was to get started in that field as soon as possible, college was the obvious choice after high school. I decided that Gordon College was probably where I would attend in the fall of 2013 because of their Christian Ministries major that has a concentration in Juvenile Justice Ministries. However, God had different plans for me. Through talking with my parents, my cousin Adrienne, and my art teacher Mr. Swartz, I realized that maybe God was calling me toward taking some time off before school for missions.

I decided to start looking at different mission organizations that offered trips for the fall semester so that I could start school in the spring. I talked to one of my friends that did it this past year and decided that although it would be hard transitioning into school halfway through, that's what I wanted to do. As things progressed and I looked for a trip and organization that I liked, things changed. I looked at Eastern Mennonite Missions and I realized that the trip wasn't in the right time frame for me to be back in order to start school; but, I realized I felt God calling me towards missions and that college would be there when I came back. I realized, however, when it was time for me to schedule an interview that EMM didn't seem like the right fit for me.

Time was running out because of deadlines and I needed to make a decision, so I decided to apply to Mennonite Mission Network even though I didn't see myself doing Radical Journey because it was a ten month program. Throughout the process I found myself more and more excited to go on the South Africa trip. I set up a time for an interview and was excited when I got accepted. During my phone interview, however, I was told that the South Africa trip was not happening this year - Paraguay was an option and they were going to start a new trip to Indonesia. My heart sunk immediately and I told the woman that my preference between the two was Paraguay but I would go to either as they saw fit. As the interview ended, I hung up and, although downtrodden, decided to try and have a good outlook because apparently God wanted me somewhere other than South Africa. Through talking with my dad and some others I switched my preference to Indonesia and I got excited about that trip, hoping that I would be placed there.

God has a funny way of working, though, and I got an email from MMN that said, "I just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going and if you're getting excited about Radical Journey. So since we talked things have changed a bit and we will not be sending a team to Indonesia after all." My heart sunk for the second time during this process, but I continued reading only to see, "Which means several things: first, that orientation will be in Chicago instead of Los Angeles, and we'll be sending a team to South Africa instead. Since that was your initial interest, I wanted to give you a chance to be on the South Africa team. Does that sound OK to you?" Does that sound OK to me? OK? Are you kidding me? That was my dream! My heart started racing as I read those words: It sounded better than OK! Filled with such immense joy I could barely contain it so I ran downstairs to tell my parents and before waiting for much of a response besides their initial excitement for me, I raced back up to my room to text my sister Amanda. As I started typing the words that I would be most likely going to South Africa, the tears started flowing and I was beaming from ear to ear. I couldn't stop smiling and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. All I could think about is Psalm 37:4, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I thanked God over and over again for His hand in it all; it made me realize that I am doing His will because I trusted Him with my future and He placed me where I wanted to go.

So, the time is approaching where I will depart to South Africa and a whole new adventure with God by my side is about to begin. I am trying to, amidst the nerves and fears, remember the initial excitement and joy that I experienced. I know with God by my side I will be OK and that there is nothing to fear - it also helps that we are in the middle of a sermon series at church on Psalm 23 which is making me realize and come to terms and face my fears. (But there is still room for all your prayers of course!) I can't wait to see what God has in store for me over these next 10 months!






Also, on a side note: if you would rather get these blogs through email instead of having to check for updates, shoot me an email with your name and email so that I can add you to an email list. You can put "South Africa" on the subject line so hopefully it won't get lost in my spam.

It's About to Begin....

It all seemed so fun and exciting a couple of weeks ago but as the days wind down closer and closer to August 25th, it's starting to sink in. I'm going to South Africa. In 44 days. (Well technically 54 because orientation is in Chicago). But still - 44 days until I leave my house for ten months and I won't see my family or friends or have my normal routine around me to comfort me. I will be missing every holiday get together, my birthday, my brother's college graduation (I haven't even been out once to visit him), my friends' high school speeches and graduation, and my friends' hang outs after their first semester of college.

As the days get closer it's hard for me to not think of all the negatives this trip is bringing. I have to constantly remind myself that God has got bigger plans in this and He has been there since the beginning. Some quotes that I found the other day are a good reminder to place my faith and fears in God: "There isn't enough room in your mind for both worry and faith. You must decide which one will live there;" "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase;" and "We must travel in the direction of our fear."

I am definitely traveling in the direction of my fear. I like to be comfortable. To be at home. To be surrounded by those I love and keep with the relationships I have already formed. South Africa is a big leap of faith for me and I am hopefully going to learn along the way that I don't have room for the worries that are insignificant in the large scheme of things. God's got His hand on me and I can't give up hope in that. I am excited that this stretch will force me to rely on God because I won't be comfortable. I'm torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go.

I won't know exactly what I am going to be doing for the year until I get there but God's got His plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and I am confident that God has been with me every step of the journey thus far. The fact that I'm even going to South Africa has God's seal on it because of the way it fell into place.

As you can see I'm in a battle between fear, nerves, excitement, anticipation, and hope. In case you can't tell from my panicky first blog - I am SUPER excited! I just more often tell people the stuff I'm excited for rather than the stuff I'm scared for so please pray for me that as this trip starts sinking in, that in the preparation and every step throughout the journey I will see God's hand and will not doubt what His plans are for me and continue to stay excited!