Saturday, June 28, 2014

Is the Cost Too Great?

Here's something I've been reflecting on as things are winding up here in my time here in South Africa:

Mark 10:17-31
As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he says, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good - except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'
"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?"
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
Peter said to him, "We have left everything to follow you!"
"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first."

This story has always been one that I hate to read because I identify with the young man so much. I do my best at keeping God's commandments (possibly a result of the world's biggest guilty conscience), I have great wealth according to the world's standards, and like the young man, I don't want to give it up. I have abundant material blessings and have been blessed with so much. I have essentially a three story house, I have AC and heat, I have a warm bed with plenty of blankets, I have cupboards and pantries, and a refrigerator and freezers filled with food, I have never once had to worry about not having a meal, I have a supportive, loving family that would do anything for me, I have a supportive church family that raised all the funds for me to come here, I have friends that I can talk with and I had a good education with teachers that cared about me and my well being. I have a job with wonderful coworkers and bosses that give me more than I deserve. I have all this and more and if possible, I would prefer not to give any of it up. I could do without some of it right now, but if God asked me to give all of it up right now, I think that I might be walking away sad just like the rich young man. I don't fully understand the faith required to trust God with everything.
In my head, I know what is required of me, but the part of myself that wants to stay in the world says no. I know that Jesus doesn't just call us to give up our material possessions and the worldly things we have or achieve, but he wants us to give him our whole entire being. He wants us to give everything we have and possess: our love, generosity, compassion, patience, time, worries, fears, interests, everything so that we are required to lean on God and His grace and His fulfilling peace that only comes from trusting Him and giving all we have to His people. He wants us to give generously and joyously all that we have, materially and within us, to make an impact on the people we come in contact with.
I know all this. And I know that Jesus loves us just like it says he loved the rich man. I know that he loves us even though we fail and are selfish sometimes. He is willing to help us and give us the strength to give up the things we need to, we just have to ask. Jesus said "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." We just need to ask.  He said it himself, "Ask and it will be given to you." We need to submit ourselves to God and look past ourselves.
David Platt said in his book Radical, "We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves...Yet the kind of abandonment Jesus asked of the rich young man is the core of Jesus' invitation throughout the Gospels. Even his simple call in Matthew 4 to his disciples - "Follow me" - contained radical implications for their lives. Jesus was calling them to abandon their comforts, all that was familiar and natural for them...Ultimately, Jesus was calling them [the disciples] to abandon themselves. They were leaving certainty for uncertainty, safety for danger, self-preservation for self-denunciation. In a world that prizes promoting oneself, they were following a teacher who told them to crucify themselves. And history tells us the result. Almost all of them would lose their lives because they responded to his invitation." Jesus didn't try to hide the truth from us and the implications that come with giving everything, yes, we will receive "a hundred times as much" but with that comes a hundred times as many persecutions.
I have seen the blessings God has given to those that follow him and give him their everything, but I have also seen the struggles. I don't think I have the faith to give it all up and then rely on God to get me through. The things that this world offers can be so enticing that I wonder sometimes why I should follow Christ because it is so hard. It can be so draining and sometimes I just want to give up on it all. I have so many verses in my Bible underlined that have to do with God being our rock and our strength, having our plans and guiding us, giving us peace and hope, but so far in my life, I haven't been in the situation where I have to fully and totally rely on him because of the support I have always had in any given hard situation.
South Africa has taught me a lot in this regard. Sometimes, especially at the beginning of this year, I thought it was hard. I was homesick and uncomfortable (still am sometimes), and I just wondered why I was here. Sometimes I think that this is where God wanted me to be precisely for the reason that he wanted me in a situation where others could bless me and teach me in ways where there was no denying it. Yes I constantly say that I don't see any changes in me and that I learned nothing, but if I really sit down and think about it, there is no denying it. I learned that the people who I would think should be down in life and complaining, are some of the most joyous people I know. They are the people who are constantly giving of themselves and of their possessions. The people in Mpophomeni are constantly sharing everything they have. They share their food when they already have so little, they open their homes when someone needs a bed, they share their blankets when someone is cold, they help each other carry their heavy loads, they share their lives with each other. They are not selfish in any way and after being around them for almost a year, I still find myself being selfish and wanting to keep certain things for myself. They aren't afraid to stop what they are doing if it mean listening to a friend. They truly give of themselves for their neighbors. I have learned just how blessed I am, but I have learned that the people who have seemingly less, are just as blessed as I am and are often more joyful than I am. They have their own struggles and worries and fears, but they push them aside in order to see the other. They see each other for who they are and not what they can get out of the relationship. In Muriel Barbery's book The Elegance of the Hedgehog, which I recently read, he writes, "This is the first time I have met someone who seeks out people and who sees beyond. That may seem trivial but  I think it is profound all the same. We never look beyond our assumptions and, what's worse, we have given up trying to meet others; we just meet ourselves. We don't recognize each other because other people have become our permanent mirrors. If we actually realized this, if we were to become aware of the fact that we are only ever looking at ourselves in the other person, that we are alone in the wilderness, we would go crazy...as for me, I implore fate to give me the chance to see beyond myself and truly meet someone."
I'm tired of looking out for myself. I want to be able to give everything I have to God so that he can use me and help me to give of myself to others in order to serve them with all that I have with nothing holding me back. I want to have the faith that believes God when he says he will take care of us and provide for us. Jesus's entire ministry was about being a servant and humbling ourselves. Jesus said multiple times that being a servant is one that brings great reward, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all" (Mark 9:35), "but many who are first will be last, and the last first (Mark 10:31), "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:43-45).
So what is holding me back? I want to serve God with all my heart and to give him what is his - which is my everything - but I still haven't achieved it. I honestly don't know if it is something I will ever feel like I have achieved. I think that it is a daily journey and decision. We have to decide each day that we want to follow God and to serve him and give ourselves up to him like he did for us. It is a daily decision because God gives us the choice. He gives us the choice to follow him or follow the world. It's up to us to decide and it is something we have to decide every day. It isn't an easy decision and it is something that requires a lot of thought, but I think that is why it is a decision that appeals to me so much. It appeals to me because it's not something any one person can just flippantly decide that they want to do because it isn't just a decision, it's a lifestyle. And a hard one. It's a lifestyle that requires sacrifice - daily. It's one that is selfless and one that can never be perfected because we are imperfect humans. It is one that a lot of people walk away from sad just like the rich young ruler. It is one that requires a single step - obedience. If only it were that easy.

Monday, May 12, 2014

Seeing More Clearly

        Walking into the church early April 25 on that Friday morning, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. We were reminded that it wasn't a sure thing we would meet Desmond Tutu, but I had put a little extra thought in getting ready that morning - putting on the mascara that so rarely graces my face - just hoping for the moment that Desmond Tutu would make eye contact and indulge me with a smile.
The church was quiet aside from a smattering of whispers in the small back room where the chairs were quickly filling up, mostly by other visitors much like ourselves. The sound of people standing up and adjusting their chairs filled the room and I quickly joined them as the church leaders, including Desmond Tutu filed in from the back room. As Andrew leaned over and whispered, "There's Tutu!" I couldn't stop the smile that grew across my face and the skipping beat of my heart as the excitement of just being in the same vicinity of Tutu sunk in. I couldn't tell you much of what the service was about besides the fact when Karen took a jabbering James out, Tutu yelled to her, "You're not leaving are you? We like the sound of his voice." My appreciation and admiration of Tutu grew in that moment because I have found that a lot of people try to "get rid" of kids during church services because they make too much noise and need their own service. I, however, appreciate the sound of kids talking in the background and I believe that they belong with the rest of us in the service and I laughed as Karen made her way back to her seat.
Throughout the service I got a chance to see a little of Desmond Tutu's character and humor as he cracked a few jokes here and there. I appreciate the way that he made the service more lively and wasn't so caught up in reciting the passages but adding his personality to it. Also during the passing of peace to one another (where I got to shake Tutu's hand) he stopped to play peek-a-boo with James which was just precious. He did this a few more times over the course of the morning and in hindsight he may have done this not just because he loves kids, but maybe because James was someone who wasn't demanding anything from him, expecting him to be this person that they thought he should be, or treating him like some kind of celebrity. Tutu, I think, has come to expect this from people though as at the end of the service and communion, he said that he would be willing to take pictures. Well 80% of the service goers - including me - took advantage of this opportunity. I was so excited to be able to get a picture with him as were the others as they snapped pictures, selfies, and even had a few books signed by him.
I almost wish I hadn't been so selfish, though, as I felt sad as the realization sunk in that because we view him as such a great man, he can't even lead a church service without getting pictures taken or being asked to be interviewed in the middle of the service. Many of the attendees, including myself, were only there to meet and get a picture with Desmond Tutu. I didn't care much about the service but the man leading it. If there ever is a next time I get to meet Desmond Tutu, I will smile at him, shake his hand, and I want to ask him how he is. I want to see him as a person just like me. A person who just wants to be recognized for who he is and not treated any different. A person who wants to have an every day conversation that doesn't revolve around the himself or what he's done, but his hopes and dreams and the things that matter to him. I want to see HIM.
As you have read, I big highlight of my past couple weeks, was getting to meet Desmond Tutu. I recently had the opportunity to go to Cape Town with my team and the Sudermans since they had a dialogue there with some people from ANiSA (Anabaptist Network in South Africa). A lot of my thoughts from the aftermath of meeting Desmond Tutu were because of this dialogue. At one point in the dialogue it turned to how we can help others and how we see people. We need to see each other for who they are, who they really as a person. See their humanity and not their situation. See their hopes and dreams, not their failures. See them as a person like yourself, not as someone higher or lower than you on the totem pole. Give people back their identities and not the identities others placed on them. "I see YOU." This mindset is something I want to try and remember throughout the rest of my life. Jesus treated everyone the same and as equals and I want to do this also. It's not about actions and the situation so much as the person behind them.
While a lot of my thoughts from the dialogue came from that segment of the dialogue I also came away from the dialogue thinking a lot about the church. The topic of the dialogue was Jesus and Politics. The definition of politics is "how we relate to one another in the polis (city)." How do we take Jesus and the way he related with others to our lives and the way relate to one another? One of the men at the dialogue brought up the fact that the church is a polis. Well if the church is a polis, how are we relating with one another in the church? In the church as an individual and in the church as a denomination? As a church in the Mennonite denomination and as a church in the greater body of believers in the world? The church as a polis makes it a political being and it being a political being gives it power. If we have power as a political being in the church, how much more of a difference could we make if we could all work together as one body? The Church as I see it right now is a polis under apartheid. We have all our separate denominations and if we disagree, there's another split or people leave without resolving anything. How can we as members of the church expect others to join, when we can't even live in harmony with each other as fellow believers? What happened to make us shy away from those with conflicting ideas? We should have healthy debates to figure out our strengths. Imagine the impact we could have if we put all our strengths together, worked together to resolve issues and work through our problems, and took Jesus's politics into our lives and into the world to reach all the separate townships to put together what the apartheid system tore apart. We all have one common goal, purpose, and commissioning - why not resolve our differences and work together under Jesus's politics?

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Making My Faith My Own

Amidst the busyness of work, weekly church commitments, a Super Bowl party, getting two speeding tickets (within a month at the same place - my first tickets ever - and it was by a traffic camera nonetheless), Monday night "Politics of Jesus" class taught by Andrew, having a dump track back into me, and a week in Umtata, I have still been struggling with my faith and how to make it my own.
When looking back over my journaling - in reference to my devotions - I realize that most of the Jesus Calling devotionals that I starred and wrote down verses and quotes from, were about going to Jesus and resting in His presence, giving Him all anxieties and imperfections, and affirming that He is always with Me. I don't think that it is a coincidence that while in Umtata visiting our friends, the message at the Bethany Bible School that they were helping to lead was about God with us. While I couldn't understand most of that lesson since it was in isiXhosa, the message of God being with us came through loud and clear. While it is something that I know, sometimes it is hard for me to understand and comprehend. I struggle with comparing myself to others and I sometimes think God does the same, that He compares me with everyone else; but, God doesn't see my imperfections and mistakes - He sees me as His child whom He loves.
During the Bible school the parable Jesus told in Matthew 12:43-45 was sermonized on. I had never studied this parable before and it made a lot of sense to me. God wipes us clean and empties us of our sins, but sometimes we forget that we need to fill ourselves up again so that we don't sink even more. If when we are forgiven, shown peace, shown mercy, etc, we do not also practice that in our own lives and clothe ourselves with Jesus' words of life, we are naked and will be worse off than before. We need to clothe ourselves with God's word and practice what we have been shown. God is with us and completes us and fills us if we just let Him, it's a matter of accepting the invitation. That is something that I need to work on. Realizing that, yes, God emptied me, but now I need to believe it and fill myself up with his love, acceptance, joy, mercy, forgiveness, spirit, etc.
I have witnessed at work over the past month two miracles. Several weeks ago myself and one of my coworkers delievered a doctor's reference letter and some transport money to a client who was sick. When I walked into her house, one of my first thoughts was, "she looks like death." She could barely move herself off the bed and she looked sunken in and hopeless. My coworker prayed for her and we left, and I continued on my day as if nothing happened waiting for work to be over because I had exciting weekend plans. A couple of hours later, however, I was told that we were going to go back to that lady's house and we were going to drive her to the doctor ourselves since she probably wouldn't be able to make it by herself. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was annoyed. It was almost time to go home and I was supposed to pick up my friends after work and go to someone's house for the weekend and I didn't want to be late. I had a bad attitude and I wish that I would have been more of a witness to that lady in that moment. The doctor's visit took maybe ten minutes, the lady got some medicine, and we went home. Well a week later, this same lady came into the office walking and looking healthy, talking and laughing with a twinkle in her eye. I was thankful that I got to witness the miracle of the quick healing of this lady from death to life.
The other story also has to do with a client. I was told one day a couple weeks ago to drive a lady home. This didn't come as a surprise to me because I often take clients home if they live far away or have a lot of heavy food parcels with them, but I realized as the lady walked with a crutch to the car and then cried out in pain as she got into the car, that this lady had a serious infection on her leg that looked terrible. She directed me to her house, unfortunately on unpaved roads with a lot of potholes and ditches, with tears streaming down her face, crying out in pain with every bump we drove over. I felt awful and there was nothing I could do to keep the car from lurching over each bump. We finally got to her house and she slowly made her way down the path as I followed her with her food parcels. I knew after she first swung her leg into my car with her cry of pain, that God wanted me to pray for this lady. I have never offered to pray for anyone before of my own free will and this time I acted on the spirit's nudging, not even feeling nervous. As the lady sat down in her house, I asked if I could pray for her, gesturing with hand motions. The lady nodded her head and I laid my hands on her and prayed a simple pray of healing and renewing for this lady. She probably didn't understand more than a sentence of my prayer but she thanked me and I left her there still silently praying for her healing.
        Well the other week I was told yet again to drive a client home. As I walked outside the office, I realized that this was the lady from two weeks ago. She didn't have a crutch, she walked with far less of a limp, and she didn't shed a single tear the whole way home. I didn't get a glimpse of her leg but I thank God because I know her healing is continuing and she is feeling much better. I felt much lighter as I left her home this time, knowing that God is at work in her life.
While I still am at a loss in a lot of aspects when it comes to my faith, I know that God is at work in my life. I have been placed here for a purpose and He is molding me into a person He can use to carry out His kingdom here on earth - one of servanthood and humility. Sometimes I just forget how much God loves me and I take it all for granted; I recently read the book "Because We Are" by Ted Oswald which had a few quotes that I loved, "No matter how long we live, no matter how long we suffer, we are loved by God so immensely and so completely, this love, it's like air. We breathe it in and out, till we stop noticing it's even there. We don't recognize it, we take it for granted. But it IS there, keeping us alive, making life possible. So whether I live for a split-second or a hundred years, we know that all along we've been completely and absolutely immersed in this deep, deep love." I have come to realize that I'm at the point where it's just air - but I don't want it to be anymore; I want to have the faith and relationship where I see God's love all around me and carry out that kingdom, "Though the darkness could crash in again any second, they should shine their lights as brightly as they could, while they could." I want to be that light Jesus talks about in Matthew 5:16 and fill myself up with His peace, mercy, love, joy, and the list goes on...

Monday, January 13, 2014

Christmas etc.

Christmas came and went. New Years came and went. The past weeks, days, minutes, and seconds have all gone in a blur of activity and busyness. Christmas seems to have been a lifetime ago but here's how my Christmas season was spent: Christmas Eve, the verse that I pulled out from my mom's pile was 1 Peter 5:8-9, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering." I couldn't have read this verse at a more perfect time. I was feeling homesick and sorry for myself spending my first Christmas away from home when people do it all the time and I should be celebrating the birth of Jesus. It was a good wake up call and put me in the right attitude for Christmas. I spent Christmas Eve at home taping the advent calendar pieces onto the printout picture my mom and Carissa sent me from home, read some Long Walk to Freedom, watched a Christmas movie and then Long Walk to Freedom, played play station with Justin, opened my two presents my mom sent me, talked with my family, and played a game with Justin.
Christmas Day I woke up to heat and sunlight flowing into my room when my alarm went off at 6:30am. The first thing I did was open a Christmas letter from my cousin Adrienne that she sent with me ahead of time, opened a Christmas popper from Fran that she sent in a package, and then got ready for church and Auntie Pricilla helped me tie my sari. I wrote in my journal, "At church it really sunk in that I'm blessed to be here even without my family; and tears came to my eyes while singing 'How Great is Our God," not because of homesickness, but because God is truly great and I felt thankful to be standing there sweating on this hot Christmas Day belting my heart out, thankful with no care in the world at that present moment." After church we had to run to the grocery store and I got a few strange looks I think because of my sari but it just made me smile all the more. We took some family pictures once home because we were all looking so nice and I hadn't gotten a family photo yet before settling in for a Christmas dinner with just the immediate family. We had an array of meats and some veggies and it was a delicious meal. After lunch I read the birth of Jesus in both Matthew and Luke, watched some TV and relaxed, before we went to go visit a couple from church and then some of Auntie Pricilla's family.
Boxing Day we went to Durban to pick up Pricilla's brother and go to the beach. We weren't at the beach for long but it was fun as Justin and I just played in the waves the whole time we were there (even though it was technically a no swimming beach). On the way home, we visited some more of Pricilla's family and ate supper with them and stayed for awhile before heading home.
Overall the Christmas festivities didn't much feel like Christmas but I was thankful that I wasn't homesick and that I enjoyed myself. Also my Dad sent me some videos of Christmas back in PA so I felt like I got to be there as I watched my cousins perform on their instruments, the Big Buck Award, Christmas games, the Derstine side singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (very beautifully I might add), and even got to see Samuel open a present.

Sunday the 29th, immediately after church, we headed to Port Shepstone for a nice retreat with the Mennonite missionaries in Southern Africa. It was a week filled with sessions on missions and learning about ourselves, worship and hymns from the Mennonite hymnal, camp songs, lots of swimming, a midnight swim to celebrate the New Year (much different from my previous year's polar bear swim) a pentathlon (including the infamous Suderman swim which I tied for last in because people kept making me laugh and broom dancing - of which we broke two brooms and a pool noodle), beach day, late late nights, good company, stories, winning R10 from Andrew in a bet, some theological discussions, a talent show, and lots and lots of games. We played games such as Ooga Booga, Water Polo,Ticket to Ride Europe, UNO, Formula-D, Merchants and Marauders, and Watermelon Water Polo. All-in-all a great week and I didn't want it to end.
With the end of retreat, work started. I began work on Tuesday the 7th and was feeling very tired as I don't think I had recovered from my previous week of going to bed no earlier than 11:00 (including two 2:00am bedtimes. Going back to work it almost seemed like I had never left. It felt good to be sitting in the company of my coworkers that first morning just hearing Zulu all around me and not knowing a single thing that was being said. I didn't mind and it was a comfort of me to hear the tell tale inflections and occasional clicks that go hand-in-hand with the Zulu language. It didn't take much to get back in the swing of things at work and it's nice to be back in a routine schedule no matter how much I loved break. While I love the routine, I miss spending all day with Emily and Lydia and the others that were on retreat as well as the familiarity that came with those surroundings. This past weekend was fun, however, because Emily, Lydia, and I had an impromptu sleepover and then spent Saturday relaxing and hiking Howick Falls. It was a good end to an exhausting week.

Friday, December 20, 2013

As the Weeks Go By...

It has been a busy couple of weeks filled with a lot of activity. Some of those things included going to the beach with my church and spending the day eating and swimming in the Indian Ocean, going on an outing with the older youth from work to the mall and going on the rides that they have in the kids' fun zone, having my work end of the year lunch and ordering a Philly Cheesy Steak Baguette which made me excited and will probably be the closest thing to the cheese steak I have been craving, eating mangoes and leeches, Christmas shopping which often ended in us leaving the mall with no purchases, parking in the farthest spot in the mall parking lot because every space and curb was occupied, purchasing a sari for Christmas, work shutting down after some cram sessions, getting my first flat tire (and when I say flat, I mean flat), endless Mandela tributes, feeding and dancing with patients at a psychiatric hospital, lots of coloring with my niece, getting hooked to Isidingo (South African soapie), hanging out with two friends from work, a few U-turns, Christmas caroling (where we only sang I think a total of three actual Christmas carols), beginning the book "Long Walk to Freedom," wrapping Christmas presents to Keith Green music instead of Christmas songs, Dutch Blitz, Speed, getting honked and and yelled at for "stealing" someone's spot in the overflowing mall parking lot, food and more food, and a lot of laughter and some sadness.
While these past few weeks have been filled with a lot of new memories and laughter, they have been a hard few weeks. I have been more homesick lately for a variety of reasons and I think one of them is that Christmas is fast approaching. Five days! I can't believe it. It doesn't necessarily feel like Christmas which makes me feel better because then I won't feel like I'm quite missing my family as much -  hopefully. The Jesus Calling for December 18 gave me some peace in relation to my homesickness, "When you are plagued by a persistent problem - one that goes on and on - view it as a rich opportunity. An ongoing problem is like a tutor who is always by your side. The learning possibilities are limited only by your willingness to be teachable in faith, thank Me for your problem. Ask Me to open your eyes and your heart to all that I am accomplishing through this difficulty. Once you have become grateful for a problem, it loses its power to drag you down, on the contrary, your thankful attitude will lift you up into heavenly places with Me. From this perspective, your difficulty can be seen as a slight, temporary distress that is producing for you a transcendent Glory never to cease." I know that God placed me here for a purpose and that even through the things that weigh me down, God is working and molding me so that I can take what I learned/learn here in South Africa to wherever else He might lead me.
While I love and miss my family and home back in Pennsylvania, my place is here right now. God has a plan and is doing something great here in and through me. The verse from my mom this morning is Psalm 139:14, "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." I know that God is doing marvelous things here so even during the hard times, I will praise God because He is directing my paths.
Thank you all for the prayer and support, Merry Christmas! :)

P.S. I got an email from my sister Carissa that brightened up my day. One of her Books Never Written jokes made me smile: How to Distinguish Your Words by Seymour Clearly. Hope that made you smile too!

Monday, December 2, 2013

It's Just Getting Better


This week was a whirlwind of activity and excitement. I started the week out in a bad attitude because of a variety of things and the Jesus Calling for Tuesday included the verse Psalm 118:24 which convicted me of my selfishness and made me realize that I need to be grateful for the things I do have, "This is the day The Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." My attitude didn't totally change that day but it helped that I got to climb the mountain in Mpophomeni with some of the kids again (this time with my camera so that I could get some pictures). Later that night I had a lot of fun with my host family talking and watching America's Got Talent which was just the kind of night I needed.
Wednesday was tiring busy day. I got to do my first real manual labor that day which made me feel accomplished and exhausted in a good way that night. We had to fill 300 bags with dirt (that we got off a pile that was basically rocks) so that later they could be filled with fertilizer. It was at the soup kitchen and a bunch of kids came to help. I mainly worked with two girls that tried to teach me a little Zulu but we had fun even though it was cold and rainy and everyone ended up covered in mud. After work, we went straight to Andrew and Karen's where I had a package waiting from my mom with Christmas presents - three were wrapped and I already opened one because we were curious as to what it could possible be (it was an awesome game which reminds me of one of my family's favorites, Qwirkle, so it was a great present. We ate at Andrew and Karen's because Andrew had purchased us some tickets to go see a soccer game! It was the Orlando Pirates against Martizburg United. It was an intense game numerous people got hurt (a few went off the field on stretchers) and the final score was 1-0 Pirates, whom I was routing for.
Thursday was Thanksgiving - my first away from home - but I was determined to not let that get me down and that I would have a thankful attitude. A verse from Jesus Calling was Psalm 107:21-22, "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy." I found it hard to be thankful when it seemed that I did nothing all day at work but my day brightened when I walked in the door upstairs to spend time with the kids, and one of the sweetest girls, Olwethu, ran at me with the biggest smile on her face and gave me a hug. A few of the other older girls followed suit and then a little boy. That little girl made my day. After work, Emily and I drove to her coworkers' house because they had invited us to celebrate Thanksgiving with them and some of their friends. We drove approximately a half hour in the wrong direction because like I predicted, their road was probably the first one we passed that just happened to not have a road name. The night was nice and it felt good to have such wonderful people extend hospitality to us so that we wouldn't miss out on Thanksgiving.
Saturday was another busy day. Lydia's work was having their end of the year party with their families so Lydia invited Emily and I. It was at a rock pool which actually ended up being a pool with rocks placed around it, but it was fun to swim even though it was cold and windy because it was about to storm by the time we had finished games and lunch and got a change to go swimming. When we got back home, we decided because Emily would be moving in with her host family on Sunday (my birthday), we would celebrate that night since we got back early from Lydia's work dinner because of the rain. We went to the mall where I got Chocolate Overload waffles for supper :) (the waiter thought I was strange) and then we watched the movie Catching Fire.
Sunday was my first birthday away from home. I started the day with a note from my mom that was placed in my devotions and a letter from my cousin that she had given me before I left. I didn't want to do anything because I missed home and I know that birthdays are just like any other day but I didn't want to celebrate it not at home with my family. In the end it turned out to be a fantastic day. The Jesus Calling seemed fitting for my birthday, "I love you with an everlasting love, which flows out from the depths of eternity. Before you were born, I knew you. Ponder the awesome mystery of a Love that encompasses you from birth to beyond the grave."
I was greeted in the morning with a happy birthday greeting and a present which was really nice and what I needed to put my in a better mood. I went to church at my boss's church because Sunday also happened to be World AIDS Day so they were giving Christmas presents to the mission for the clients and the kids. I had to say a few words in front of the church but I felt very welcomed there. After getting home and having lunch, I went to the end of the year party for youth group with my brothers and sister-in-law which I wasn't so sure about but it turned out to be fun. It wasn't just our individual youth group it was all of them but they are all a fun bunch of people and I got sung happy birthday to twice. I was also asked to give a speech but all I said was thanks because I had no clue what to say.
After youth group, we headed home because Auntie Pricilla was throwing me a party with the family, Andrew and Karen's family, and Lydia (Emily couldn't make it since she had just moved in with her new host family that afternoon). It was a great night filled with laughter, family, cake smashed in my face, and lots of good food. I'm grateful that Auntie Pricilla did that for me because it was nice to celebrate with all the people I love here in South Africa. I also received a phone call from one of the kids at work and she immediately started singing Happy Birthday to me. Later she called again with another one of the girls so that they could sing together. That first phone call was probably the best thing that happened for my birthday and I will never forget that.
As you can tell, this week was busy and while there were a few things that I was struggling with, the good far outweighs the bad because God is good and I have a lot to be thankful for. Lamentations 3:22-26 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Monday, November 25, 2013

Here for a Purpose

Jesus Calling for Tuesday, November 19, "Leave outcomes up to me. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to Me. You already know the ultimate destination of your journey: your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me."
I found out on Monday that Lydia would be moving out to her own host family at the end of the week so this devotional came at the right time. I didn't take the advice it offered, however, and I still worried about the end of the week and kept thinking about how I was going to be on my own and that it would get harder than it already was. I am trying to focus on the now and not ahead as God knows His perfect plan for my life. I know that everything will be fine and it will just be a minor adjustment and that I should be thankful that I don't have to go through the whole host family over again like Lydia is going through now.
My response that I wrote in my journal to this devotional was, "This is a good reminder that God has it all under control and He will me where He wants me. I shouldn't worry about the hard things or complain about what I don't like, but grasp onto the hand God has been holding out to me and accept that He is beside me throughout this whole journey. He has orchestrated it the way that He sees is best. God has me here for a purpose and I need to remember that."
Working with the teens who come on Tuesdays and Thursdays was my highlight this week. I am building stronger relationships with some of the girls and while there are still awkward moments and times when we don't know what to do, this week they taught me some more games and then Thursday myself and three of the girls spontaneously decided to hike the mountain in Mpophomeni. I mentioned that we should hike it sometime and they suggested now so we did. We hiked to the top and took some pictures on one of the girl's phone since I forgot my camera and then hiked/ran down. Because I forgot my camera, and Emily wants to join us now that she is working in Mpophomeni at a sister organization, we decided that we will try to do it again tomorrow (Tuesday the 26th). I am looking forward to spending time with these girls again.
Other highlights this week included going to half-price movie night on Tuesday to celebrate Emily's birthday, girls' night out with all the different youth groups and getting to be a princess for the night, getting free nectarines from the vegetable stand man after buying veggies for work, trying on my first sari, braai with Andrew and Karen's colleagues at ANiSA and meeting another girl my age that we can hang out with that and knows how to play Dutch Blitz, and numerous other little things that made this week a good one. It's hard to believe that this is the last week in November and today being the 25th marks three months gone from home, how time flies!