It has been a busy couple of weeks filled with a lot of activity. Some of those things included going to the beach with my church and spending the day eating and swimming in the Indian Ocean, going on an outing with the older youth from work to the mall and going on the rides that they have in the kids' fun zone, having my work end of the year lunch and ordering a Philly Cheesy Steak Baguette which made me excited and will probably be the closest thing to the cheese steak I have been craving, eating mangoes and leeches, Christmas shopping which often ended in us leaving the mall with no purchases, parking in the farthest spot in the mall parking lot because every space and curb was occupied, purchasing a sari for Christmas, work shutting down after some cram sessions, getting my first flat tire (and when I say flat, I mean flat), endless Mandela tributes, feeding and dancing with patients at a psychiatric hospital, lots of coloring with my niece, getting hooked to Isidingo (South African soapie), hanging out with two friends from work, a few U-turns, Christmas caroling (where we only sang I think a total of three actual Christmas carols), beginning the book "Long Walk to Freedom," wrapping Christmas presents to Keith Green music instead of Christmas songs, Dutch Blitz, Speed, getting honked and and yelled at for "stealing" someone's spot in the overflowing mall parking lot, food and more food, and a lot of laughter and some sadness.
While these past few weeks have been filled with a lot of new memories and laughter, they have been a hard few weeks. I have been more homesick lately for a variety of reasons and I think one of them is that Christmas is fast approaching. Five days! I can't believe it. It doesn't necessarily feel like Christmas which makes me feel better because then I won't feel like I'm quite missing my family as much - hopefully. The Jesus Calling for December 18 gave me some peace in relation to my homesickness, "When you are plagued by a persistent problem - one that goes on and on - view it as a rich opportunity. An ongoing problem is like a tutor who is always by your side. The learning possibilities are limited only by your willingness to be teachable in faith, thank Me for your problem. Ask Me to open your eyes and your heart to all that I am accomplishing through this difficulty. Once you have become grateful for a problem, it loses its power to drag you down, on the contrary, your thankful attitude will lift you up into heavenly places with Me. From this perspective, your difficulty can be seen as a slight, temporary distress that is producing for you a transcendent Glory never to cease." I know that God placed me here for a purpose and that even through the things that weigh me down, God is working and molding me so that I can take what I learned/learn here in South Africa to wherever else He might lead me.
While I love and miss my family and home back in Pennsylvania, my place is here right now. God has a plan and is doing something great here in and through me. The verse from my mom this morning is Psalm 139:14, "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." I know that God is doing marvelous things here so even during the hard times, I will praise God because He is directing my paths.
Thank you all for the prayer and support, Merry Christmas! :)
P.S. I got an email from my sister Carissa that brightened up my day. One of her Books Never Written jokes made me smile: How to Distinguish Your Words by Seymour Clearly. Hope that made you smile too!
Friday, December 20, 2013
Monday, December 2, 2013
It's Just Getting Better
This week was a whirlwind of activity and excitement. I started the week out in a bad attitude because of a variety of things and the Jesus Calling for Tuesday included the verse Psalm 118:24 which convicted me of my selfishness and made me realize that I need to be grateful for the things I do have, "This is the day The Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." My attitude didn't totally change that day but it helped that I got to climb the mountain in Mpophomeni with some of the kids again (this time with my camera so that I could get some pictures). Later that night I had a lot of fun with my host family talking and watching America's Got Talent which was just the kind of night I needed.
Wednesday was tiring busy day. I got to do my first real manual labor that day which made me feel accomplished and exhausted in a good way that night. We had to fill 300 bags with dirt (that we got off a pile that was basically rocks) so that later they could be filled with fertilizer. It was at the soup kitchen and a bunch of kids came to help. I mainly worked with two girls that tried to teach me a little Zulu but we had fun even though it was cold and rainy and everyone ended up covered in mud. After work, we went straight to Andrew and Karen's where I had a package waiting from my mom with Christmas presents - three were wrapped and I already opened one because we were curious as to what it could possible be (it was an awesome game which reminds me of one of my family's favorites, Qwirkle, so it was a great present. We ate at Andrew and Karen's because Andrew had purchased us some tickets to go see a soccer game! It was the Orlando Pirates against Martizburg United. It was an intense game numerous people got hurt (a few went off the field on stretchers) and the final score was 1-0 Pirates, whom I was routing for.
Thursday was Thanksgiving - my first away from home - but I was determined to not let that get me down and that I would have a thankful attitude. A verse from Jesus Calling was Psalm 107:21-22, "Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men. Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy." I found it hard to be thankful when it seemed that I did nothing all day at work but my day brightened when I walked in the door upstairs to spend time with the kids, and one of the sweetest girls, Olwethu, ran at me with the biggest smile on her face and gave me a hug. A few of the other older girls followed suit and then a little boy. That little girl made my day. After work, Emily and I drove to her coworkers' house because they had invited us to celebrate Thanksgiving with them and some of their friends. We drove approximately a half hour in the wrong direction because like I predicted, their road was probably the first one we passed that just happened to not have a road name. The night was nice and it felt good to have such wonderful people extend hospitality to us so that we wouldn't miss out on Thanksgiving.
Saturday was another busy day. Lydia's work was having their end of the year party with their families so Lydia invited Emily and I. It was at a rock pool which actually ended up being a pool with rocks placed around it, but it was fun to swim even though it was cold and windy because it was about to storm by the time we had finished games and lunch and got a change to go swimming. When we got back home, we decided because Emily would be moving in with her host family on Sunday (my birthday), we would celebrate that night since we got back early from Lydia's work dinner because of the rain. We went to the mall where I got Chocolate Overload waffles for supper :) (the waiter thought I was strange) and then we watched the movie Catching Fire.
Sunday was my first birthday away from home. I started the day with a note from my mom that was placed in my devotions and a letter from my cousin that she had given me before I left. I didn't want to do anything because I missed home and I know that birthdays are just like any other day but I didn't want to celebrate it not at home with my family. In the end it turned out to be a fantastic day. The Jesus Calling seemed fitting for my birthday, "I love you with an everlasting love, which flows out from the depths of eternity. Before you were born, I knew you. Ponder the awesome mystery of a Love that encompasses you from birth to beyond the grave."
I was greeted in the morning with a happy birthday greeting and a present which was really nice and what I needed to put my in a better mood. I went to church at my boss's church because Sunday also happened to be World AIDS Day so they were giving Christmas presents to the mission for the clients and the kids. I had to say a few words in front of the church but I felt very welcomed there. After getting home and having lunch, I went to the end of the year party for youth group with my brothers and sister-in-law which I wasn't so sure about but it turned out to be fun. It wasn't just our individual youth group it was all of them but they are all a fun bunch of people and I got sung happy birthday to twice. I was also asked to give a speech but all I said was thanks because I had no clue what to say.
After youth group, we headed home because Auntie Pricilla was throwing me a party with the family, Andrew and Karen's family, and Lydia (Emily couldn't make it since she had just moved in with her new host family that afternoon). It was a great night filled with laughter, family, cake smashed in my face, and lots of good food. I'm grateful that Auntie Pricilla did that for me because it was nice to celebrate with all the people I love here in South Africa. I also received a phone call from one of the kids at work and she immediately started singing Happy Birthday to me. Later she called again with another one of the girls so that they could sing together. That first phone call was probably the best thing that happened for my birthday and I will never forget that.
As you can tell, this week was busy and while there were a few things that I was struggling with, the good far outweighs the bad because God is good and I have a lot to be thankful for. Lamentations 3:22-26 says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."
Monday, November 25, 2013
Here for a Purpose
Jesus Calling for Tuesday, November 19, "Leave outcomes up to me. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to Me. You already know the ultimate destination of your journey: your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me."
I found out on Monday that Lydia would be moving out to her own host family at the end of the week so this devotional came at the right time. I didn't take the advice it offered, however, and I still worried about the end of the week and kept thinking about how I was going to be on my own and that it would get harder than it already was. I am trying to focus on the now and not ahead as God knows His perfect plan for my life. I know that everything will be fine and it will just be a minor adjustment and that I should be thankful that I don't have to go through the whole host family over again like Lydia is going through now.
My response that I wrote in my journal to this devotional was, "This is a good reminder that God has it all under control and He will me where He wants me. I shouldn't worry about the hard things or complain about what I don't like, but grasp onto the hand God has been holding out to me and accept that He is beside me throughout this whole journey. He has orchestrated it the way that He sees is best. God has me here for a purpose and I need to remember that."
Working with the teens who come on Tuesdays and Thursdays was my highlight this week. I am building stronger relationships with some of the girls and while there are still awkward moments and times when we don't know what to do, this week they taught me some more games and then Thursday myself and three of the girls spontaneously decided to hike the mountain in Mpophomeni. I mentioned that we should hike it sometime and they suggested now so we did. We hiked to the top and took some pictures on one of the girl's phone since I forgot my camera and then hiked/ran down. Because I forgot my camera, and Emily wants to join us now that she is working in Mpophomeni at a sister organization, we decided that we will try to do it again tomorrow (Tuesday the 26th). I am looking forward to spending time with these girls again.
Other highlights this week included going to half-price movie night on Tuesday to celebrate Emily's birthday, girls' night out with all the different youth groups and getting to be a princess for the night, getting free nectarines from the vegetable stand man after buying veggies for work, trying on my first sari, braai with Andrew and Karen's colleagues at ANiSA and meeting another girl my age that we can hang out with that and knows how to play Dutch Blitz, and numerous other little things that made this week a good one. It's hard to believe that this is the last week in November and today being the 25th marks three months gone from home, how time flies!
I found out on Monday that Lydia would be moving out to her own host family at the end of the week so this devotional came at the right time. I didn't take the advice it offered, however, and I still worried about the end of the week and kept thinking about how I was going to be on my own and that it would get harder than it already was. I am trying to focus on the now and not ahead as God knows His perfect plan for my life. I know that everything will be fine and it will just be a minor adjustment and that I should be thankful that I don't have to go through the whole host family over again like Lydia is going through now.
My response that I wrote in my journal to this devotional was, "This is a good reminder that God has it all under control and He will me where He wants me. I shouldn't worry about the hard things or complain about what I don't like, but grasp onto the hand God has been holding out to me and accept that He is beside me throughout this whole journey. He has orchestrated it the way that He sees is best. God has me here for a purpose and I need to remember that."
Working with the teens who come on Tuesdays and Thursdays was my highlight this week. I am building stronger relationships with some of the girls and while there are still awkward moments and times when we don't know what to do, this week they taught me some more games and then Thursday myself and three of the girls spontaneously decided to hike the mountain in Mpophomeni. I mentioned that we should hike it sometime and they suggested now so we did. We hiked to the top and took some pictures on one of the girl's phone since I forgot my camera and then hiked/ran down. Because I forgot my camera, and Emily wants to join us now that she is working in Mpophomeni at a sister organization, we decided that we will try to do it again tomorrow (Tuesday the 26th). I am looking forward to spending time with these girls again.
Other highlights this week included going to half-price movie night on Tuesday to celebrate Emily's birthday, girls' night out with all the different youth groups and getting to be a princess for the night, getting free nectarines from the vegetable stand man after buying veggies for work, trying on my first sari, braai with Andrew and Karen's colleagues at ANiSA and meeting another girl my age that we can hang out with that and knows how to play Dutch Blitz, and numerous other little things that made this week a good one. It's hard to believe that this is the last week in November and today being the 25th marks three months gone from home, how time flies!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Starting to Fit In...
The past two weeks flew by. They were filled with hugs, laughter, peanut butter icing, driving, kids, eating chicken necks, a new driving companion to and from work, falling asleep on the couch - twice, - showers, peanut butter popcorn, Downton Abbey, Zulu, making Amagwanias (not sure how to spell that but basically funnel cake in ball form - delicious!), skyping my family and friends, Dominion, and more pretzel jello salad (which was finished in one night).
This past week was spent house sitting at Andrew and Karen's which was nice that Emily, Lydia, and I could spend the whole week together and cook and hangout. I realized, however, that in the comfort of that home, I was more likely to hurry through my devotions rather than spend time in them since I had my friends around to talk to. I definitely have to be more conscious that I need to talk to God and spend time with Him when everything is going smoothly because I can't just make the habit of going to Him when things are hard, but in every situation.
A highlight from this week was on Thursday at work in the afternoon with the older kids. I was talking to two of the girls, Ntokozo and Nolwazi, when I had to go pick up Emily from work because she is now also working in Mpophomeni. The girls wanted to come with me and then one of the guys (who had just spend two hours cleaning my car inside and out since my boss wanted to give him something to do so he cleaned our cars along with his friend) also wanted to come along. The five minute car ride to pick up Emily was filled with joking and laughter and while I couldn't understand a lot of what was being said, I couldn't help but laugh at their joy. Once we picked up Emily, because I owed Sbusiso since he washed my car, when he asked if I could take him home, I obliged. First, we went back and picked up his friend Sphesihle since he lives nearby and then we piled into the car and again the car was filled with laughter and yelling and through all the joking around, it made me feel like I belonged there. I felt as though we had known each other for years and it was so natural for us all to be together, crammed into that car. As soon as the four of those kids were dropped off at their various homes, the car felt empty. I can't wait to build those relationships more and for the laughter and joking around with each other to be an every day occurrence.
The Jesus Calling on Tuesday the 12th was evident that afternoon. It says, "This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you."
This past week was spent house sitting at Andrew and Karen's which was nice that Emily, Lydia, and I could spend the whole week together and cook and hangout. I realized, however, that in the comfort of that home, I was more likely to hurry through my devotions rather than spend time in them since I had my friends around to talk to. I definitely have to be more conscious that I need to talk to God and spend time with Him when everything is going smoothly because I can't just make the habit of going to Him when things are hard, but in every situation.
A highlight from this week was on Thursday at work in the afternoon with the older kids. I was talking to two of the girls, Ntokozo and Nolwazi, when I had to go pick up Emily from work because she is now also working in Mpophomeni. The girls wanted to come with me and then one of the guys (who had just spend two hours cleaning my car inside and out since my boss wanted to give him something to do so he cleaned our cars along with his friend) also wanted to come along. The five minute car ride to pick up Emily was filled with joking and laughter and while I couldn't understand a lot of what was being said, I couldn't help but laugh at their joy. Once we picked up Emily, because I owed Sbusiso since he washed my car, when he asked if I could take him home, I obliged. First, we went back and picked up his friend Sphesihle since he lives nearby and then we piled into the car and again the car was filled with laughter and yelling and through all the joking around, it made me feel like I belonged there. I felt as though we had known each other for years and it was so natural for us all to be together, crammed into that car. As soon as the four of those kids were dropped off at their various homes, the car felt empty. I can't wait to build those relationships more and for the laughter and joking around with each other to be an every day occurrence.
The Jesus Calling on Tuesday the 12th was evident that afternoon. It says, "This is a time of abundance in your life. Your cup runneth over with blessings. After plodding uphill for many weeks, you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine. I want you to enjoy to the full this time of ease and refreshment. I delight in providing it for you."
Monday, November 4, 2013
Thanksgiving
The weeks are flying by. It has already been two months which means only about eight to go. That sounds like nothing. It's making me realize more and more that I need to take advantage of this time here because I want to make the most of it. It's nice because the homesickness isn't as bad (maybe because last Monday I skyped with my Mom for two hours (and Carissa a little bit before she left for school), skyped Aaron for about five minutes before he headed off to class, messaged Amanda back and forth for a little, skyping Adrienne for a bit before we lost connection, and talked to my Grammy for awhile and got to hear about her trip in South Africa (unfortunately it didn't work for us to meet up). It felt good to hear from home and hear the voices of my family and it got the week off to a good start.
I received the verse Ephesians 6:7-8 from my Dad, "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free." This is a good reminder for the year, even when it seems like I'm not doing much or I'm tired or frustrated, if I need to remember that I gave this to God and that I am here to serve others, but ultimately, Him. The Jesus Calling for Thursday, October 31 was one that spoke to me also about serving, "Learn to listen to Me even while you are listening to other people. As they open their souls to your scrutiny, you are on holy ground. You need the help of my Spirit to respond appropriately. Ask Him to think through you, live through you, love through you. My own being is alive within you in the Person of the Holy Spirit. If you respond to others' needs through your unaided thought processes, you offer them dry crumbs. When the Spirit empowers your listening and speaking, My streams of living water flow through you to other people. Be a channel of My Love, Joy, and Peace by listening to Me as you listen to others." I like this because it talks about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit into others' lives when we learn to listen and obey what it is telling us. It is a constant guide for us to follow and then we can bless others.
Then Friday's and Saturday's Jesus Callings I also loved but Friday's felt as though it was written specifically for me for the things that I have been struggling with: "Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart's desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don't be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days." I easily get distracted and I bring myself down, thinking that I am a terrible Christian and that I should have this great passion that nothing can pull me away from God, but I have to work to that point. The more that I push through the distractions and away from the world, the easier it will get for me to automatically talk to God throughout the day and spend time with Him. God does not punish us for being human, He instead waits for us and will never give up on us.
So this week was filled with great devotional times, buying and eating the biggest slice of chocolate cake that I have ever seen for only $1.50, acting as a bride (the main part) in a skit at youth group Wednesday night - I still don't know how I ended up doing that when I hate acting, driving in my first hail storm, holding a bird for the first time of my own free will (for those of you who don't know I hate birds because of numerous awful stories), taking someone to the gas station because they needed to fill up bottles after they ran out, getting put in charge of planning a trip to Durban for the older kids that will hopefully fit in our budget (which I don't understand because I have only been here for two months and haven't got the slightest clue in how to even plan a trip like this in the U.S., watching Diwali fireworks, and celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday.
Thanksgiving was definitely the highlight of my week. We met at Andrew and Karen's house for a breakfast of baked oatmeal (which we downed) before spending the rest of the afternoon relaxing a bit, going on a walk, and then preparing a Thanksgiving meal. My contribution was pretzel jello salad which turned out to be a hit after many skeptical comments. The other aspects of the meal were the turkey obviously - it may have been the best turkey I have even eaten - cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, Appletizer, Peartizer, and then later for dessert roibos tea, pumpkin dessert, and shoofly pie. It was maybe my favorite Thanksgiving because I enjoyed the food like never before since it reminded me of home; and the people I celebrated it with have become part of my family. I certainly have a lot to be thankful for and God has blessed me more than I could ever put into words. Psalm 116:7 says, "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." He has; I hope that is something that I will never forget.
I received the verse Ephesians 6:7-8 from my Dad, "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free." This is a good reminder for the year, even when it seems like I'm not doing much or I'm tired or frustrated, if I need to remember that I gave this to God and that I am here to serve others, but ultimately, Him. The Jesus Calling for Thursday, October 31 was one that spoke to me also about serving, "Learn to listen to Me even while you are listening to other people. As they open their souls to your scrutiny, you are on holy ground. You need the help of my Spirit to respond appropriately. Ask Him to think through you, live through you, love through you. My own being is alive within you in the Person of the Holy Spirit. If you respond to others' needs through your unaided thought processes, you offer them dry crumbs. When the Spirit empowers your listening and speaking, My streams of living water flow through you to other people. Be a channel of My Love, Joy, and Peace by listening to Me as you listen to others." I like this because it talks about the outpouring of the Holy Spirit into others' lives when we learn to listen and obey what it is telling us. It is a constant guide for us to follow and then we can bless others.
Then Friday's and Saturday's Jesus Callings I also loved but Friday's felt as though it was written specifically for me for the things that I have been struggling with: "Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart's desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don't be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days." I easily get distracted and I bring myself down, thinking that I am a terrible Christian and that I should have this great passion that nothing can pull me away from God, but I have to work to that point. The more that I push through the distractions and away from the world, the easier it will get for me to automatically talk to God throughout the day and spend time with Him. God does not punish us for being human, He instead waits for us and will never give up on us.
So this week was filled with great devotional times, buying and eating the biggest slice of chocolate cake that I have ever seen for only $1.50, acting as a bride (the main part) in a skit at youth group Wednesday night - I still don't know how I ended up doing that when I hate acting, driving in my first hail storm, holding a bird for the first time of my own free will (for those of you who don't know I hate birds because of numerous awful stories), taking someone to the gas station because they needed to fill up bottles after they ran out, getting put in charge of planning a trip to Durban for the older kids that will hopefully fit in our budget (which I don't understand because I have only been here for two months and haven't got the slightest clue in how to even plan a trip like this in the U.S., watching Diwali fireworks, and celebrating Thanksgiving on Saturday.
Thanksgiving was definitely the highlight of my week. We met at Andrew and Karen's house for a breakfast of baked oatmeal (which we downed) before spending the rest of the afternoon relaxing a bit, going on a walk, and then preparing a Thanksgiving meal. My contribution was pretzel jello salad which turned out to be a hit after many skeptical comments. The other aspects of the meal were the turkey obviously - it may have been the best turkey I have even eaten - cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, Appletizer, Peartizer, and then later for dessert roibos tea, pumpkin dessert, and shoofly pie. It was maybe my favorite Thanksgiving because I enjoyed the food like never before since it reminded me of home; and the people I celebrated it with have become part of my family. I certainly have a lot to be thankful for and God has blessed me more than I could ever put into words. Psalm 116:7 says, "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." He has; I hope that is something that I will never forget.
Monday, October 28, 2013
It's Becoming Real
On Tuesday night, I headed right from work to Andrew and Karen's house as they got home from their trip on Monday and we had our first meeting after starting our jobs. It was a great night catching up on each other's lives and enjoying a Russian Mennonite meal (it was delicious, although I think anything that had any relation to Mennonite would have tasted good at this point because no one here knows what a Mennonite is). After supper I talked to Andrew about some of my questions that I mentioned in last week's blog, only to leave with more questions. We talked a lot about discipleship and what it means to invite someone to become a Christian, because that is a lot of what I am reading in the book Follow Me, and I am trying to figure out exactly how I can share my faith in a way that shines God's goodness to those around me, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.
Work this week was not busy so a lot of my days consisted of sitting around so my mom's verse of the day yesterday was a much needed reminder, 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." Sometimes I tend to get frustrated at work when it feels like I'm not doing anything, but I need to remember that even when I'm just sitting there, I can glorify God with my attitude or by talking to my coworkers. I did, however, learn some more Zulu dances at work. The kids were doing group dances where everyone sings and claps on the outside and then the person on the inside dances and then picks the next person to go in, it seemed as though I was going in far too much and everyone just laughed every time I was in, but overall it was fun and I enjoyed myself. It also seemed like on Wednesday there wasn't one second when at least one girl or boy wasn't hugging me or holding my hand. It's like they are afraid that one of these days I am going to leave and never come back - and the sad reality is that when July comes, I will be doing exactly that. When the kids ask to use my camera, I eagerly oblige as I want as many pictures and memories captured as possible because time is limited. One of the boys got green paint out and we put it all over our hands and put our handprints on the wall so now a piece of me will always be there - hopefully by the end of this year it won't just be a mark on the wall but a mark on the kids' hearts like they have already made on mine.
Friday was an exciting day. It marked exactly two months from when I said goodbye to my parents in Chicago so it was nice to keep myself busy so that I wouldn't think about home as much. At work we had a retreat with the other HIV/AIDS mission in Mpophomeni, Ethembeni, for most of the day. We met at a local church and worshipped God through singing (and dancing), had a short message and then discussion on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. We discussed where/when we find it difficult to love and if we love out of obligation or because we want to. It made me think about when I find it difficult to love. I don't express love much through words or physically, but through serving and that's how I see love the most. It is hard for me to serve people sometimes when I feel they don't deserve it because I am quick at judging and then serve out of obligation. I am coming to realize that if I take the time to move past my judgements and get to know the people, I come to appreciate them more, and then find it easier to serve and love them.
During the retreat we played a bunch of group things which I'm not big on, but I found myself laughing along with everyone else and enjoying my time. I also got to meet eight girls from California that are serving at Ethembeni on a study abroad program so it was nice to talk to them and get to know a little bit about what they are doing here. After lunch, we headed back to Masibumbane and then after doing some office work, I got to head home an hour early. Once home, I helped set up for a braai because it was my host dad's birthday. It was a good night, a bit chaotic as I tried to keep up with the dishes so that we wouldn't run out of dishes (or kitchen space) in the midst of eating IMMENSE amounts of food. It was delicious! Suffice it to say, I slept well that night.
Sunday turned out to be an exhausting day, I was tired physically, mentally, but mostly emotionally. We were talking a lot about college and future decisions a lot Saturday night which was making me feel stressed so the Jesus Calling for yesterday was perfectly timed and then the verse with it Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you," has taken on another meaning as the events of the day unfolded. I really enjoyed church today as my host dad preached and I enjoyed his sermon on establishing yourself in the Word and I had done some reading in Ephesians that I enjoyed but later during the day I heard someone say, "I miss apartheid, things were better then...you can take the pigs out of the mud but you can't take the mud off the pigs." I was speechless. I have never in my life heard anything so blatantly racist. Yes, I have heard insinuations or some mean spirited comments but this was the worst. Lydia and I were both speechless. In the evening, Lydia and I were journaling and talking, trying to process what we had heard earlier that day. The more I thought about it the more angry I was at the lady that had said it - how could someone say something like that and actually believe that they are a Christian and following God's Word, loving everyone? I opened my Bible up and started looking for answers. Matthew 7:1-2 were the first verses I came across, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." After reading this, I felt convicted but didn't know if I could let go of my judgement. My anger slowly turned into sadness and I almost started crying as I talked with Lydia. It's sad when someone doesn't realize how far from the truth their words are. We continued reading the Bible and we shared the verses we came across that related:
Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
- This is the first time these well-known words took on meaning for me as I felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders and I felt so drained that I needed this reminder that God takes it all upon Him if we give it over to him.
John 15:12-13,17, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends...This is my command: Love each other."
Acts 10:15,28,34-35, " 'Do not call anything impure that God has made clean'...You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean...I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right."
Romans 14:12-13, "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."
By the end of my reading, I came to the conclusion that while I still have to work on not judging this lady completely, it's not my place to do so. God will judge each of us accordingly and I need to focus on being the light not on making sure everyone else is. I believe that we need to be accountable to each other but it's not my place to condemn anyone. God is not going to show favoritism to me because I didn't say anything like that - I have my own sins that I need to work on. I instead need to learn from this situation how I can respond next time a comment like that is said in a way that is pleasing to God and respects everyone involved.
I am grateful, not that the comment was made, but the learning that took place afterwards. For the first time I felt as though the Word was coming alive for me and that I could relate to the words written. I for the first time studied the Bible in response to something that happened to me - and I felt at peace in the end. I am learning that this year is going to be a lot harder and stretching than I could have imagined, but if I continue turning to God for help, I will grow far more than I could have imagined.
I want to challenge you all this week to love each other and discern where you find it hard to love. Work at turning to God in every situation so that your response will be godly and reflect God's light, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.
Work this week was not busy so a lot of my days consisted of sitting around so my mom's verse of the day yesterday was a much needed reminder, 1 Corinthians 10:31, "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God." Sometimes I tend to get frustrated at work when it feels like I'm not doing anything, but I need to remember that even when I'm just sitting there, I can glorify God with my attitude or by talking to my coworkers. I did, however, learn some more Zulu dances at work. The kids were doing group dances where everyone sings and claps on the outside and then the person on the inside dances and then picks the next person to go in, it seemed as though I was going in far too much and everyone just laughed every time I was in, but overall it was fun and I enjoyed myself. It also seemed like on Wednesday there wasn't one second when at least one girl or boy wasn't hugging me or holding my hand. It's like they are afraid that one of these days I am going to leave and never come back - and the sad reality is that when July comes, I will be doing exactly that. When the kids ask to use my camera, I eagerly oblige as I want as many pictures and memories captured as possible because time is limited. One of the boys got green paint out and we put it all over our hands and put our handprints on the wall so now a piece of me will always be there - hopefully by the end of this year it won't just be a mark on the wall but a mark on the kids' hearts like they have already made on mine.
Friday was an exciting day. It marked exactly two months from when I said goodbye to my parents in Chicago so it was nice to keep myself busy so that I wouldn't think about home as much. At work we had a retreat with the other HIV/AIDS mission in Mpophomeni, Ethembeni, for most of the day. We met at a local church and worshipped God through singing (and dancing), had a short message and then discussion on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. We discussed where/when we find it difficult to love and if we love out of obligation or because we want to. It made me think about when I find it difficult to love. I don't express love much through words or physically, but through serving and that's how I see love the most. It is hard for me to serve people sometimes when I feel they don't deserve it because I am quick at judging and then serve out of obligation. I am coming to realize that if I take the time to move past my judgements and get to know the people, I come to appreciate them more, and then find it easier to serve and love them.
During the retreat we played a bunch of group things which I'm not big on, but I found myself laughing along with everyone else and enjoying my time. I also got to meet eight girls from California that are serving at Ethembeni on a study abroad program so it was nice to talk to them and get to know a little bit about what they are doing here. After lunch, we headed back to Masibumbane and then after doing some office work, I got to head home an hour early. Once home, I helped set up for a braai because it was my host dad's birthday. It was a good night, a bit chaotic as I tried to keep up with the dishes so that we wouldn't run out of dishes (or kitchen space) in the midst of eating IMMENSE amounts of food. It was delicious! Suffice it to say, I slept well that night.
Sunday turned out to be an exhausting day, I was tired physically, mentally, but mostly emotionally. We were talking a lot about college and future decisions a lot Saturday night which was making me feel stressed so the Jesus Calling for yesterday was perfectly timed and then the verse with it Psalm 32:8, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you," has taken on another meaning as the events of the day unfolded. I really enjoyed church today as my host dad preached and I enjoyed his sermon on establishing yourself in the Word and I had done some reading in Ephesians that I enjoyed but later during the day I heard someone say, "I miss apartheid, things were better then...you can take the pigs out of the mud but you can't take the mud off the pigs." I was speechless. I have never in my life heard anything so blatantly racist. Yes, I have heard insinuations or some mean spirited comments but this was the worst. Lydia and I were both speechless. In the evening, Lydia and I were journaling and talking, trying to process what we had heard earlier that day. The more I thought about it the more angry I was at the lady that had said it - how could someone say something like that and actually believe that they are a Christian and following God's Word, loving everyone? I opened my Bible up and started looking for answers. Matthew 7:1-2 were the first verses I came across, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." After reading this, I felt convicted but didn't know if I could let go of my judgement. My anger slowly turned into sadness and I almost started crying as I talked with Lydia. It's sad when someone doesn't realize how far from the truth their words are. We continued reading the Bible and we shared the verses we came across that related:
Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
- This is the first time these well-known words took on meaning for me as I felt like the weight of the world was upon my shoulders and I felt so drained that I needed this reminder that God takes it all upon Him if we give it over to him.
John 15:12-13,17, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends...This is my command: Love each other."
Acts 10:15,28,34-35, " 'Do not call anything impure that God has made clean'...You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean...I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right."
Romans 14:12-13, "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another."
By the end of my reading, I came to the conclusion that while I still have to work on not judging this lady completely, it's not my place to do so. God will judge each of us accordingly and I need to focus on being the light not on making sure everyone else is. I believe that we need to be accountable to each other but it's not my place to condemn anyone. God is not going to show favoritism to me because I didn't say anything like that - I have my own sins that I need to work on. I instead need to learn from this situation how I can respond next time a comment like that is said in a way that is pleasing to God and respects everyone involved.
I am grateful, not that the comment was made, but the learning that took place afterwards. For the first time I felt as though the Word was coming alive for me and that I could relate to the words written. I for the first time studied the Bible in response to something that happened to me - and I felt at peace in the end. I am learning that this year is going to be a lot harder and stretching than I could have imagined, but if I continue turning to God for help, I will grow far more than I could have imagined.
I want to challenge you all this week to love each other and discern where you find it hard to love. Work at turning to God in every situation so that your response will be godly and reflect God's light, "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven," Matthew 5:16.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Focusing on the Now
My week started with a Sunday celebrating the 50th Anniversary of our church's "mother" church. People from that church joined us at a special afternoon service with a meal and sharing from some of the original church members and builders. I didn't understand most of it because I have no connection to either church and a lot of it was history and stories which didn't pertain to me. This time then gave me a couple hours to think as I zoned in and out of the service. It was the start of a week filled with a lot of thoughts directed at home. This week was one of the hardest so far for being homesick. I find myself missing a lot of the comforts I have at home, my church, my friends, and especially my family. I tend to look at the pictures I have hung in my room a lot more than usual and listen to the playlist I made on my ipod of songs that remind me of people back home.
Because of so much downtime at night to think, my thoughts were not only those of home but I have been thinking a lot about my faith. A main reason for my joining Radical Journey this year, was to strengthen my faith and find answers to my questions. I have been struggling for a long time as to whether my faith is authentic or if I am just a "good person" because my parents raised me in the church. I don't have the passion for Christ that I crave and I don't know how to get it and it has been something that has been plaguing my thoughts for a while now. I am already finding that this year is forcing my out of my comfort zone and causing me to address these questions as I have more time to devote to contemplating my doubts and questions. My mom has written out a verse for every day of the year for me to read and one of them this past week was Isaiah 43:18-19, "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." I have been focusing on the past and my homesickness but God has bigger plans and I know that He is using this time to do a new thing in me and I just needed to get away from my comforts so I can focus on Him more.
I finished reading Radical by David Platt this week and I have started another one of his books called Follow Me. He says in Radical, "He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him. In the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined." I believe God has placed me here so that I can rely on Him in new ways and discover my need for him. In Follow Me Platt states, "To be a Christian is to be loved by God, pursued by God, and found by God. To be a Christian is to realize that in your sin you were separated from God's presence, and you deserved nothing but God's wrath. Yet despite your darkness and in your deadness, his light shone on you and his voice spoke to you, inviting you to follow Him. His majesty captivated your soul and his mercy covered your sin, and his mercy covered your sin, and by his death he brought you life" and he says faith is "the realization that there is nothing you can do but trust in what has been done for you in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Faith is the realization that God's pleasure in you will never be based upon your performance for him. Instead, God's pleasure in you will always be based upon Christ's performance in you." It is easy for my to say God loves me and to say that God forgave me of my sins and I'm saved, but I am trying to navigate away from just thinking these things to feeling them. I am realizing that it is easy for me to have faith in the fact that the Bible is true and that Jesus came to earth, but that I don't have the faith that God totally accepts me as I am and wants to live in me. I don't have the faith to totally commit my life to Him and to accept wherever He leads me because I like to have control far more than I realized before I started this journey. I am hopeful that through this year I will learn to trust God fully and to let go of my selfishness and in doing so I can let go of my hypocritical feelings and live with the passion that only comes from knowing God and doing his will that I see in other peoples' lives and achieve this description David Platt gives in Follow Me, "When you come to Jesus, his Spirit fills your spirit. His love becomes your love. His joy becomes your joy. His mind becomes your mind. His desires become your desires. His will becomes your will. His purpose becomes your purpose. His power becomes your power. The Christian life thus becomes nothing less than the outliving of the indwelling Christ."
Work this week was filled with a lot of driving around Mpophomeni taxiing people around which isn't my favorite job because while I feel a lot more comfortable behind a manual, I still am not one hundred percent confident - especially after having the car accident. I was starting to get frustrated with work this week as I was tiring of driving everyone around all the time and often sitting around doing nothing because there wasn't a job for me at the moment. Mom's verse on Wednesday was a much needed reminder, "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life" Philippians 2:14-15. I realized that I should be glad that I get to serve amongst such joyful people and that I should have a better attitude and smile while driving people around because I am helping people since they don't have the ability to drive like I do. Some highlights from work include being taught a traditional Zulu dance by one of the girls (and getting made fun of by everyone else), learning a few more names, getting taught Zulu by a staff member and some kids (unfortunately I don't remember any of it), and eating two delicious Zulu meals, taking pictures with the younger kids.
Other highlights and interesting events from this week were eating my first chicken foot that wasn't a gummy (eating may not be the right word as I only ate about three bites - they weren't nearly as tasty as the chicken feet from the Old Dutch Cupboard!), taking a kombi into town and back home by myself, seeing some of Justin's baby birds, having a hot breakfast at the mall with Emily and Lydia, finishing my first journal after only two months, greeting a gas attendant in Zulu instead of English when she said hello causing her whole countenance to light up as she started laughing at my attempts of pronouncing the answer to her question "Unjani?" (How are you?), and having a nice relaxing Sunday afternoon at Emily's boss's house since he invited us over for lunch.
As you have been reading, South Africa is proving to be challenging, exciting, filled with laughter and homesickness, questions, and answers. I can't believe that I have been here for almost two months already - time is flying by and I am going to try and take advantage of the time I have here. You probably also have realized by now that I am enjoying writing blogs as they tend to get lengthy but I have come to enjoy expressing myself through them as I am not always the most talkative or open person as many of you well know!
Because of so much downtime at night to think, my thoughts were not only those of home but I have been thinking a lot about my faith. A main reason for my joining Radical Journey this year, was to strengthen my faith and find answers to my questions. I have been struggling for a long time as to whether my faith is authentic or if I am just a "good person" because my parents raised me in the church. I don't have the passion for Christ that I crave and I don't know how to get it and it has been something that has been plaguing my thoughts for a while now. I am already finding that this year is forcing my out of my comfort zone and causing me to address these questions as I have more time to devote to contemplating my doubts and questions. My mom has written out a verse for every day of the year for me to read and one of them this past week was Isaiah 43:18-19, "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." I have been focusing on the past and my homesickness but God has bigger plans and I know that He is using this time to do a new thing in me and I just needed to get away from my comforts so I can focus on Him more.
I finished reading Radical by David Platt this week and I have started another one of his books called Follow Me. He says in Radical, "He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him. In the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they could never have mustered up or imagined." I believe God has placed me here so that I can rely on Him in new ways and discover my need for him. In Follow Me Platt states, "To be a Christian is to be loved by God, pursued by God, and found by God. To be a Christian is to realize that in your sin you were separated from God's presence, and you deserved nothing but God's wrath. Yet despite your darkness and in your deadness, his light shone on you and his voice spoke to you, inviting you to follow Him. His majesty captivated your soul and his mercy covered your sin, and his mercy covered your sin, and by his death he brought you life" and he says faith is "the realization that there is nothing you can do but trust in what has been done for you in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. Faith is the realization that God's pleasure in you will never be based upon your performance for him. Instead, God's pleasure in you will always be based upon Christ's performance in you." It is easy for my to say God loves me and to say that God forgave me of my sins and I'm saved, but I am trying to navigate away from just thinking these things to feeling them. I am realizing that it is easy for me to have faith in the fact that the Bible is true and that Jesus came to earth, but that I don't have the faith that God totally accepts me as I am and wants to live in me. I don't have the faith to totally commit my life to Him and to accept wherever He leads me because I like to have control far more than I realized before I started this journey. I am hopeful that through this year I will learn to trust God fully and to let go of my selfishness and in doing so I can let go of my hypocritical feelings and live with the passion that only comes from knowing God and doing his will that I see in other peoples' lives and achieve this description David Platt gives in Follow Me, "When you come to Jesus, his Spirit fills your spirit. His love becomes your love. His joy becomes your joy. His mind becomes your mind. His desires become your desires. His will becomes your will. His purpose becomes your purpose. His power becomes your power. The Christian life thus becomes nothing less than the outliving of the indwelling Christ."
Work this week was filled with a lot of driving around Mpophomeni taxiing people around which isn't my favorite job because while I feel a lot more comfortable behind a manual, I still am not one hundred percent confident - especially after having the car accident. I was starting to get frustrated with work this week as I was tiring of driving everyone around all the time and often sitting around doing nothing because there wasn't a job for me at the moment. Mom's verse on Wednesday was a much needed reminder, "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life" Philippians 2:14-15. I realized that I should be glad that I get to serve amongst such joyful people and that I should have a better attitude and smile while driving people around because I am helping people since they don't have the ability to drive like I do. Some highlights from work include being taught a traditional Zulu dance by one of the girls (and getting made fun of by everyone else), learning a few more names, getting taught Zulu by a staff member and some kids (unfortunately I don't remember any of it), and eating two delicious Zulu meals, taking pictures with the younger kids.
Other highlights and interesting events from this week were eating my first chicken foot that wasn't a gummy (eating may not be the right word as I only ate about three bites - they weren't nearly as tasty as the chicken feet from the Old Dutch Cupboard!), taking a kombi into town and back home by myself, seeing some of Justin's baby birds, having a hot breakfast at the mall with Emily and Lydia, finishing my first journal after only two months, greeting a gas attendant in Zulu instead of English when she said hello causing her whole countenance to light up as she started laughing at my attempts of pronouncing the answer to her question "Unjani?" (How are you?), and having a nice relaxing Sunday afternoon at Emily's boss's house since he invited us over for lunch.
As you have been reading, South Africa is proving to be challenging, exciting, filled with laughter and homesickness, questions, and answers. I can't believe that I have been here for almost two months already - time is flying by and I am going to try and take advantage of the time I have here. You probably also have realized by now that I am enjoying writing blogs as they tend to get lengthy but I have come to enjoy expressing myself through them as I am not always the most talkative or open person as many of you well know!
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