Here's something I've been reflecting on as things are winding up here in my time here in South Africa:
Mark 10:17-31
As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he says, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good - except God alone. You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'
"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?"
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
Peter said to him, "We have left everything to follow you!"
"I tell you the truth," Jesus replied, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
This story has always been one that I hate to read because I identify with the young man so much. I do my best at keeping God's commandments (possibly a result of the world's biggest guilty conscience), I have great wealth according to the world's standards, and like the young man, I don't want to give it up. I have abundant material blessings and have been blessed with so much. I have essentially a three story house, I have AC and heat, I have a warm bed with plenty of blankets, I have cupboards and pantries, and a refrigerator and freezers filled with food, I have never once had to worry about not having a meal, I have a supportive, loving family that would do anything for me, I have a supportive church family that raised all the funds for me to come here, I have friends that I can talk with and I had a good education with teachers that cared about me and my well being. I have a job with wonderful coworkers and bosses that give me more than I deserve. I have all this and more and if possible, I would prefer not to give any of it up. I could do without some of it right now, but if God asked me to give all of it up right now, I think that I might be walking away sad just like the rich young man. I don't fully understand the faith required to trust God with everything.
In my head, I know what is required of me, but the part of myself that wants to stay in the world says no. I know that Jesus doesn't just call us to give up our material possessions and the worldly things we have or achieve, but he wants us to give him our whole entire being. He wants us to give everything we have and possess: our love, generosity, compassion, patience, time, worries, fears, interests, everything so that we are required to lean on God and His grace and His fulfilling peace that only comes from trusting Him and giving all we have to His people. He wants us to give generously and joyously all that we have, materially and within us, to make an impact on the people we come in contact with.
I know all this. And I know that Jesus loves us just like it says he loved the rich man. I know that he loves us even though we fail and are selfish sometimes. He is willing to help us and give us the strength to give up the things we need to, we just have to ask. Jesus said "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." We just need to ask. He said it himself, "Ask and it will be given to you." We need to submit ourselves to God and look past ourselves.
David Platt said in his book Radical, "We were settling for a Christianity that revolves around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves...Yet the kind of abandonment Jesus asked of the rich young man is the core of Jesus' invitation throughout the Gospels. Even his simple call in Matthew 4 to his disciples - "Follow me" - contained radical implications for their lives. Jesus was calling them to abandon their comforts, all that was familiar and natural for them...Ultimately, Jesus was calling them [the disciples] to abandon themselves. They were leaving certainty for uncertainty, safety for danger, self-preservation for self-denunciation. In a world that prizes promoting oneself, they were following a teacher who told them to crucify themselves. And history tells us the result. Almost all of them would lose their lives because they responded to his invitation." Jesus didn't try to hide the truth from us and the implications that come with giving everything, yes, we will receive "a hundred times as much" but with that comes a hundred times as many persecutions.
I have seen the blessings God has given to those that follow him and give him their everything, but I have also seen the struggles. I don't think I have the faith to give it all up and then rely on God to get me through. The things that this world offers can be so enticing that I wonder sometimes why I should follow Christ because it is so hard. It can be so draining and sometimes I just want to give up on it all. I have so many verses in my Bible underlined that have to do with God being our rock and our strength, having our plans and guiding us, giving us peace and hope, but so far in my life, I haven't been in the situation where I have to fully and totally rely on him because of the support I have always had in any given hard situation.
South Africa has taught me a lot in this regard. Sometimes, especially at the beginning of this year, I thought it was hard. I was homesick and uncomfortable (still am sometimes), and I just wondered why I was here. Sometimes I think that this is where God wanted me to be precisely for the reason that he wanted me in a situation where others could bless me and teach me in ways where there was no denying it. Yes I constantly say that I don't see any changes in me and that I learned nothing, but if I really sit down and think about it, there is no denying it. I learned that the people who I would think should be down in life and complaining, are some of the most joyous people I know. They are the people who are constantly giving of themselves and of their possessions. The people in Mpophomeni are constantly sharing everything they have. They share their food when they already have so little, they open their homes when someone needs a bed, they share their blankets when someone is cold, they help each other carry their heavy loads, they share their lives with each other. They are not selfish in any way and after being around them for almost a year, I still find myself being selfish and wanting to keep certain things for myself. They aren't afraid to stop what they are doing if it mean listening to a friend. They truly give of themselves for their neighbors. I have learned just how blessed I am, but I have learned that the people who have seemingly less, are just as blessed as I am and are often more joyful than I am. They have their own struggles and worries and fears, but they push them aside in order to see the other. They see each other for who they are and not what they can get out of the relationship. In Muriel Barbery's book The Elegance of the Hedgehog, which I recently read, he writes, "This is the first time I have met someone who seeks out people and who sees beyond. That may seem trivial but I think it is profound all the same. We never look beyond our assumptions and, what's worse, we have given up trying to meet others; we just meet ourselves. We don't recognize each other because other people have become our permanent mirrors. If we actually realized this, if we were to become aware of the fact that we are only ever looking at ourselves in the other person, that we are alone in the wilderness, we would go crazy...as for me, I implore fate to give me the chance to see beyond myself and truly meet someone."
I'm tired of looking out for myself. I want to be able to give everything I have to God so that he can use me and help me to give of myself to others in order to serve them with all that I have with nothing holding me back. I want to have the faith that believes God when he says he will take care of us and provide for us. Jesus's entire ministry was about being a servant and humbling ourselves. Jesus said multiple times that being a servant is one that brings great reward, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all" (Mark 9:35), "but many who are first will be last, and the last first (Mark 10:31), "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:43-45).
So what is holding me back? I want to serve God with all my heart and to give him what is his - which is my everything - but I still haven't achieved it. I honestly don't know if it is something I will ever feel like I have achieved. I think that it is a daily journey and decision. We have to decide each day that we want to follow God and to serve him and give ourselves up to him like he did for us. It is a daily decision because God gives us the choice. He gives us the choice to follow him or follow the world. It's up to us to decide and it is something we have to decide every day. It isn't an easy decision and it is something that requires a lot of thought, but I think that is why it is a decision that appeals to me so much. It appeals to me because it's not something any one person can just flippantly decide that they want to do because it isn't just a decision, it's a lifestyle. And a hard one. It's a lifestyle that requires sacrifice - daily. It's one that is selfless and one that can never be perfected because we are imperfect humans. It is one that a lot of people walk away from sad just like the rich young ruler. It is one that requires a single step - obedience. If only it were that easy.
